Day 9 Question to ponder...

"Have you been overly critical of yourself lately? How and why have you done this?"

I feel like for a long time I have set my bar high. I have always been impatient in anything I do, doesn't matter what it is, I have to go all out.

When I was about 19 (I'm 23 now) I made the concious decision that it was time to grow up, make a commitment to a qualification, make a good living, build a home and have a better relationship with my family, I almost wanted people to envy me, I suppose I thought it would make me feel good about myself. Now that I'm thinking about it, I developed more chronic symptoms around this time, symptoms that were harder to live with and sometimes put a stop to day to day life.

I don't know why I made the abrupt decision to grow up, I was a troubled teen, drinking, smoking and partying started when I was 14/15. I put my family through hell and I suppose that I thought I owed it to them, to be the person I knew and they knew I could be.

And that is what I did, I went all out. I did a 4 year qualification as a heavy duty mechanic, got myself a great paying job working away alot, pretty much stopped my social life in its tracks and saved all my money to start building a house.

Now I'm qualified, have a job my friends would kill for, house is weeks away from completion, I met an amazing girl. Life is good....yet I still can't relax, I stress about the future, the present, the past. Some night s I pace the house because I can't sit down and chill out and I don't know why.

This was suppose to be a question to ponder but it turned into a little bit of a life story haha. Feels good to get my thoughts out of my head though and make it that much more real for me knowing people might read it.

 

Brandon101 your journaling and that's great. Have you got to listen to Claire Weekes yet. I feel like I say that a lot but she was very very helpful when I had the questions that you have above. Let me know and also check out the TMS recovery program with Alan Gordon when you can. He has a way of helping with the above issues too. Thanks pal

 

Wow, thanks for the story Brandon. I can relate to the troubled teen years, and the overcompensation as an "adult" (i'm 28). I don't have as much material things to show my growth or status but I have worked at it in other ways: having impressive life experiences, being someone ethically others want to emanate, trying to be a leader in all I do. It can be exhausting. And I can really relate to the pent up energy, and the need to feel like I have to keep MOVING! No! My friend says, "don't just do something! Sit there!" haha. Easier said than done.

 

Herbie, I have listened to a few short audios by Claire Weekes, was looking at a few of her books, is there any one in particular you can recommend? Also listened to a few of the audios from Alan Gordons program, which I could really relate to.