Day 5 Realising my self-sabotage

As I've regained hope of full recovery, (this forum is literally superb) my attention is turning to a life without symptoms. This seems very extreme- last week i was contemplating a life full of disability- but I'm getting confident in the diagnosis. And there's been some symptom progress........but confident one day my brain will turn it all off.

But I've had this awareness of how much pointless worrying I've done over the years. I'm grieving it. It's not the physical symptoms- it's the mental torment- the rumination. What have i been doing to myself?

Now my attention turns to something deeper- what would my life be like without symptoms......or rather the fear of the symptoms? What life would i build? What would i think about instead?

I've always scoffed at the idea I've developed a pain identity. Thought it BS. But this newfound awareness now makes me aware that indeed I do have that identity.

This journey is full on!

Something about this forum i wish i engaged with earlier.

 

Love everything you just said, relate to it and agree with it big time!