Day 1 Realization - BK ATL

Hello! I'm a 43-year-old man and have been suffering with TMS since I was 16 years old. At least that is the earliest memory of my back "locking up". Went for a jog, by back locked up, I had to crawl to a house where I called my dad to pick me up. I then laid in bed for a day and started to see a local chiropractor when I felt a little better. This went away during my college years (no memories of it at all) but returned in full force at age 30 with the birth of my first daughter. I went to a spine surgeon who did an MRI, found normal wear and tear (l4,l5 degenerative disk) said the pain may be from that and started me on Valtoren. This was the start of a 13-year journey taking strong NSAID's. This doctor’s program is prescribe Valtoren, if that doesn't work you get a shot in the spine and if that doesn't work he fuses the vertebra. I stuck with the Valtoren for 12 years taking it a few times a week. The last two years I wanted to see if there were other treatments and visited a non-surgical spinal doctor (the best in Atlanta) and he said the pain is not from the disk but is myofascial pain. His program is start with physical therapy and if that doesn’t work you get a shot in the muscle not the disk. By this time my pain was at the worst in my life. I had thoughts that if I didn’t have children, I would consider ending my life. I woke up throughout the night and am very worn down. I have a demanding job and must travel, and drive hours and my main trigger is sitting and sleeping in beds other than my own (so constant pain and more NSAID’s). I went to PT and received dry needling, stretches and weight training and it only made things worse. The more I focused on the pain the worse the pain got no matter what I did. Had to sit in a good chair at parties, couldn’t go to music concerts as the last one I went to and had to sit on the lawn I suffered the entire time I was there.

Then it happened! I woke up a week ago in the middle of the night and I had this deep realization that the pain was psychological. I was in bed laying but I could feel a tension in my lower body that wasn’t releasing. The light bulb went off and I said to myself, this is not a physical injury, this is something my mind is doing. Up to that point my entire life and most moments of the day revolved around my back pain.

Then it also struck me, I listed to an audio book at age 32 named “Healing Back Pain”. I listened to the book, thought that this could be my situation, stopped my meds and the pain was so bad I was convinced it was a spinal issue and continued for another 11 years with medicine and doctors for it to only get worse. I have concluded that I was not ready to face the fact that this is psychological 11 years ago because I wasn’t ready to face the issues at the root of why I have this pain and why my mind is creating it. I am ready now!

The first three days reading stories and my pain had moved several times and had reduced. I started doing normal activities with no pain. I wake up with some pain but am starting to notice it is just a sensation and my aversion to the pain is lessening already. This is incredible. I know I have journey ahead as this wasn’t created overnight so it will not go away overnight. But I am ready to face this head on! Thank you so much for the information on TMS and this forum. I know 100% that this is TMS. There is no doubt in my mind.

 

This is great news! It sounds like you are in a great place mentally to do well with the program. If your symptoms continue to move around, go up and down, or act scary in any way, remember this early success as proof that the pain is indeed psychologically created. Good luck!