Realization I’ve just had!!!

So after starting the SEP program and on Day 7 I’ve realized that I’ve never NOT had something “wrong” with me. I grew up as a child that loved to “organize” her toys and like things perfect. Never wanted to let anyone down and conformed to what others wanted.

As a teenager I struggled with depression and then an eating disorder. After recovering from an eating disorder I was still dealing with my depression and anxiety. Then got married and tried to have a child but my obsession with not getting pregnant right away turned my anxiety On full force. I would google and research on “why” I could be having a hard time conceiving. Got pregnant and worried the entire pregnancy. By 35 weeks I was having panic attacks in the middle night. Worked through that (thanks to Dr Weeks) and then had my son (delivery was extremely traumatic especially for this perfectionist).

Dealt with Postpartum depression and severe anxiety (OCD) afterwards for almost 2 years. I worked my butt off with meds, therapy, and education to get through it. My son is now 8 and now getting hit with what I believe is TMS (all MRI’s pointed to degeneration and bulging discs along with a malformation which was also cleared with the symptoms I was having). I know realize that I probably have had TMS all my life. It just has shifted into different forms??? It’s just been such a crazy revelation that I’ve always had to “fix” something in my life. I think it’s why I haven’t fully let go and accepted the TMS diagnosis. I’m scared to let go of not having something wrong with me....it’s all I’ve known! I know I can get through this...I just have to believe it and let go....

 

I can relate big-time! As the perfectionist I am, as well, I felt like such a failure when all three of my pregnancies resulted in life-saving measures, for both me and my baby. My oldest was nearly 9 lbs and stuck in the birth canal - had to get tongs, as my hubby called them, to get her out; 3 weeks later, I was post-partum hemorraging, because my uterus had still not contracted down and vaccuming cause me to pass lemon-sized clots. My son was an emergency c-section, (cord wrapped around his head) and my youngest daughter was born 5 weeks premature, and after two days of labor and no progress, had to be manually mainpulated to go downward, (she was sitting on my bladder) which then caused a uterine rupture, shortly after her delivery, into my bladder and vaginal wall. I needed a hysterectomy, bladder-repair surgery, and a blood transfusion to save my life. The rupture was 1/4 in away from hitting a major artery.

I have dealt with all of these symptoms; pelvic pain, back and hip pain, rib pain, migraines, costochondritis, TMJ, thoracic outlet sydrome, blanace problems, anxiety and pain disorders, depression, neck pain, vision problems, (myopia, where one eye sees far away and the other up close, so both near and far-sighted) bladder and bowel pain, carpal tunnel, sinus issues, chest pain, muslces spasms, restless legs, GERD, knee issues, and ear infections, pain. ALL of these have been TMS! I realized I have had TMS my whole life, just never knew it, until about 6 years ago. Every test, procedure, imaging, etc...has always been negative.

So, tp answer your question: TMS symptom imperative is a real thing and can trick you, because after all, doesn’t TMS just deal with PAIN?? Yes and no. It can morph into anything that will effectively distract you into worrying about your body, instead of your emotions. If you’ve been to the doctor and they have ruled out diseases and such, you can bet it’s TMS - and that is a very good thing!

Keep at it! I have been doing this work for 6 years and can finally say, I am getting close to being truly free of this distraction, but it’s a lifelong journey, one that you need to be aware of and maintain.

YOU CAN DO IT!

 

I just had a similar revelation the other day! I am new to the TMS world. I just found out about it three weeks ago, and oh my gosh, it was like so many puzzle pieces clicked into place and I could finally see the big picture. I was diagnosed with Mast Cell Activation Disorder four years ago when I quite suddenly started developing allergic-type reactions to all kinds of things, and idiopathic peripheral neuropathy 3 years ago with pain that kept me pretty much bedbound for over two years. But when I looked at the pattern over the course of my entire life, I think I've had TMS since toddlerhood, and yes, the symptoms have morphed and changed over the years, coming and going. Kind of a shocking realization at 40 years of age, but also one filled with hope, because this is something I can actually do something about.

Best wishes to you, and thank you so much for sharing your story!

 

Jules,

Your journey has been an amazing one and you should be so proud of your strength!!! I can relate to such strange weird symptoms! I have to remind myself when I educate myself with sarno or Steve O’s work that TMS can manifest itself in anything! Not just back pain! Your posts have given me hope! Thank you!!!!

 

MJ,

Welcome and sending you hugs! I can relate to the neuropathy! Nerve pain has rocked my world but knowing what I know now that it is not cause by my structural issues (disc and brain malformation diagnosis) is making accepting TMS a little easier. I’ve always trained my brain (for 41 years) that I actual used my issues as a security blanket through life! Crazy!!!! Hope this forum can give you all the hope you need! Well wishes to you!!!

 

Thank you so much. I'm looking forward to learning and healing. I've already started to reclaim my life (baby steps!) and I trust that it's going to get better from here.