Day 8 Recognition but no relief....so far

I think my biggest trigger emotionally comes on the days when I feel like I have to do the most around here to take care of everyone. For those that have read any of my other threads, you will know my mom lives with me (not ill, just circumstance after my stepdad passed in 2013), as well as my fiance and 10 year old son. Every time something goes wrong with the house, which I own, they all look to me to fix it. They may offer advice but at the end of the day it's always well what is Rusty going to do about it. That weight on my shoulders always leads to more pain.

Recognizing that and how much I bite my tongue not to tell them to take care of themselves is great; I journal about it a lot. It hasn't quite brought me any relief to my pain as of yet but I'm still hopeful. There is still a lot of doubt living in there, especially as my pain spreads rather than moving from where it started in my right shoulder and shoulder blade, down into my back ribs, and now into my front ribs and along my abdomen. I can't recall if I ever shared my "structural" diagnoses, but they include three bulging cervical discs, one mild bulge in the thoracic, previous bulges in the lumbar; and I also have a minor syrinx in my thoracic that a neurosurgeon says isn't causing issue but should be monitored. That syrinx scares me and that fear triggers a lot of increase in symptoms and doubt as well.

ETA I wanted to edit to add a bit about my journey so far. I had actually gone back and forth on trying Curable for a while. I finally got desperate after the NS told me the syrinx wasn't causing my pain. A chiropractor, physiatrist, and highly experienced neurosurgeon had now all told me I was safe to exercise and yet I still had pain that scared me.

The app lead me to other resources, mainly Dr. Sarno and then Nicole Sachs; I've been doing Journal Speak for three weeks. I wanted a more structured (hehe) plan then Curable offers so I landed here.

Interesting thing happened tonight. I had a quick cry today over a stressful situation at home. Tonight I ran to the bathroom before dinner and holy crap, my face is hive city. Symptom shift maybe? I still hurt but that was new. Only time I have ever had any excitement from hives.

 

Hi…I remember never having the privacy to cry as much as I needed to cry, like you, hiding away from family, especially my son, only to again gird my loins after releasing too few tears. Years of this created a pain monster inside. There must be time made for you to freely cry, scream, or stomp around. See if you can maybe drive around the block and sit with yourself and express your feelings for as long as it takes to get some relief. What would happen if you asked other members of your family to help out? You are important, deserving of some help. A former boss once asked me, “Who put you in charge of good?” That was a wake-up call at that time in my life. Please don’t be discouraged over anything regarding your symptoms or pain at this point. You are in the right place now, committed to healing your pain. If this old woman can do this, so can you.