Recovery from a big flare in less than 24 hours

Hey all. I have a story to tell, which actually happened a year ago. I've never posted a comprehensive success story - probably because I spend so much time writing off-the-cuff responses in the rest of the forum, and those often include examples of my personal successes. This particular incident was brought to mind recently, regarding recent discoveries and publications that are reporting on the importance of the inflammation response in the mindbody connection, which is part of the immune system response to danger. The key knowledge is that the immune system responds the same way to actual life-and-death-danger and to "everyday" modern stress, because our primitive brains perceive modern stresses as a threat to our survival. This is because our primitive brains literally do not know the difference.

Prelude: after a number of years of recovery after experiencing a TMS crisis in 2011 (at age 60 - which was the trigger) and recovering in 2011/12 thanks to Dr. Sarno, Claire Weekes, and Gabor Mate, I developed sudden and intensely debilitating Rheumatoid Arthritis in the spring of 2020 (at age 69). This was a direct result of several intense outside stressors (the pandemic was just one of them) combined with a lack of mindfulness on my part, along with my classic TMS traits of goodism and perfectionism - ultimately leading to complete failure to take care of myself first and foremost. Recognizing what I knew had to be the true source of the RA, and rejecting any idea that there might be an as-yet-unknown genetic or other outside component, I consulted with Dr. Schecter who said that I could treat it as TMS as long as I followed the medical recommendation to take RA medication in order get the inflammation under control (before it caused irreparable damage - eek!). So I did. My first rheumatologist (now retired) didn't agree or disagree with me about my belief, but my new younger (female) doc is totally on board with the mindbody hypothesis (hooray!) I am still on a relatively low level of the most basic (free under Medicare) medication for RA, with zero side effects, and my CRP has been close to zero for four years. She also declared me to be "in remission with medication" which I didn't realize was a thing, but I'll take it. The three lifestyle changes that I also made were 1) a lot more exercise starting immediately in 2020, 2) a significant reduction of and mindfulness about my sugar intake at the start of 2021, and 3) reducing sources of stress by first cycling off my condo board during 2021 (and refusing to re-up) and finally quitting a much-loved but very dysfunctional volunteer job at the end of 2021. Which allowed me to spend more time here

I've been mostly free of RA symptoms since 2021. Mind you, TMS flares happen. They happen to all of us, because life is messy, and life is painful, and sometimes that pain becomes physical pain or other symptoms thanks to the TMS brain mechanism. As Nicole Sachs says, "life is a choice between what hurts and what hurts worse". I have a regrettable habit of allowing low level versions of my original 2011 symptoms (mostly dizziness and GI) to hang around because they don't bother me enough to do anything very proactive - which ain't great, but the truth is that I'm pretty relaxed about symptoms since my initial recovery in 2011/12. I get tons of weird twinges and sudden pains, which might or might not be age-related, but I just don't care. Occasionally I'll get some RA joint pain but it's usually not debilitating and disappears quickly since I don't give it any attention. If any symptoms get in the way, I get out the pen and paper, practice some deep breathing (I'm very resistant to meditation, but even I can mindfully breathe for five minutes) and I just "write shit down" until the things that are trying to hide out in the recesses of my mind are on the paper where they clearly are NOT a threat to my survival.

This incident happened a year ago (January 2024) when I was reading the excellent book Chatter, by neuropsychologist and researcher Ethan Kross. In case you haven't already guessed, the full title is "Chatter: the voice in our head, why it matters, and how to harness it". AKA the squirrel cage

Anyway, I was reading the ebook version of Chatter from my library (after waiting on hold for many weeks) so it wasn't obvious where I was in the book. It was late, I was reading in bed as I do, and I thought to myself that this was a great book, it aligns really well with TMS theory, he offers lots of different skills and ways to address our inner voice - and it didn't take him all that long. I checked the percentage on my kindle, and I was horrified to see that it was only at about 42%. I thought "FUCK - he's overwritten this book! How can I recommend it now? I feel like I'm done with it - do I even want to finish it myself? " I was SO disappointed, and I felt pressured to finish reading it so that I could find a way to recommend it even though I kind of dreaded the thought. So I put it aside and turned out the light. Only to wake up the next morning with an extreme RA flare in my right (dominant) hand, which freaked me out because it had been a really long time since this last happened. I couldn't use the hand to do anything, I couldn't even come close to making a fist and every movement sent shocks of pain running from my write and palm through my fingers. I was also legitimately panicked that I wouldn't be able to remove my two rings because my fingers were so swollen around them.

First steps - deep breathing, calm self-talk and icy-cold water with dish soap to get the rings off. Then some diclofenac over my whole hand and wrist followed by 20 or so minutes trying to relax while it dried, and I probably made some tea with one hand while I waited the required amount of time, because what I really wanted to do was stand under the comfort of a very hot shower for a very long time. But I also wanted to take the edge off the extreme pain, and the diclofenac is supposed to do that. Even if it's a placebo, I believe in the power of the placebo, and I needed a tool to help my brain visualize some relief (that's how you harness the placebo effect, btw).

Once I was in the shower I seriously turned my mind to what on earth triggered this out-of-nowhere flare. Basically doing JournalSpeak without a pen or paper. And when I suddenly remembered the book from the night before, and recalled my intense reaction, I literally laughed out loud. I knew that was it. I knew without a doubt that the trigger was the self-pressure and the judgement I was putting on myself to be able to recommend this terrific resource, and to be able to do so with perfection. I laughed partly from relief, and partly at the amazing absurdity of my primitive brain's interpretation of the stress response I had experienced over a book. Over something that had no actual importance in the world, or in my life, or in the life of anyone else, whatsoever.

I didn't even need to get out the pen and paper. I was able to partially use my hand within the next hour or so, and I had full use of it by evening with almost no pain. I decided to keep the rings off that night just in case - but in fact my hand was completely back to normal the next day, as if it had never happened. And here's the best part - it turns out that my perception about the length of the book was spot-on. The very next chapter wrapped up the book - and the rest of it, over 50%, was devoted to Kross's ten-part toolkit, and to the many citations and bibliographies from his research. If I'd had the patience to reach a bit more, or skip ahead a little bit, or go and look at the table of contents, I would have figured that out right away. Or I might just have drifted to sleep if I'd never even looked at where I was. Right?

So here's the lesson: the truth of this response is nothing short of astonishing. This being a short-term incident, it's a clear example of how the mechanism works. It is a fact that the TMS mechanism will produce symptoms whether you're repressing long-held trauma from childhood adversity, or momentary self-pressure over a book recommendation. And anything else that you can think of over an infinite range of human experiences between these extremes.

The difference, of course, is in degrees of repression. It is also a fact that the longer-held repressions are the ones that are the hardest to dig out and to be able to face and accept with vulnerability instead of fear.

Finally, I will always advocate for the power of writing shit down. You just never know what your unconscious brain is worrying about below the surface, which your primitive TMS mechanism is interpreting as dangerous.