Rectal tension and weird symptoms: Any thoughts are appreciated

Good afternoon, everybody. First of all, I wanted to say that I am happy to come across this website and forum. I feel like it has already given me a lot of good advice and encouragement.

The reason for this post is to share my story and to ask for members' input. I have some lingering doubts as to whether the TMS approach is right for me (though I think it is), mostly because I think that some of my symptoms are kind of weird - and don't always pop up on the classic TMS lists. Any input, advice or thoughts will be greatly appreciated.

I'll try to keep this as short as possible. I think my TMS story, such as it were, goes back to childhood inasmuch as I had some mild OCD at the time, which then worsened quite a bit after a traumatic surgery experience. Ever since, I've struggled with some germophobic tendencies, but overall I thought I had them pretty much under control.

Then about three years ago, in the middle of an extremely stressful time in my life, the story that brings me here first started. I had a pesky anal fissure (something I believe I'd occasionally had before, from time to time, but that I'd never paid much attention to because it would usually resolve within a day) I went to the doctor for. This was already unusual for me because I'm the type who - not at least because I don't like germs - avoids the doctor's office like the plague. Long story short, the whole fissure situation was not easily resolved, recurred a few times, led to all kinds of contradictory and oftentimes bad advice, and developed into a major stressor pretty much with each bathroom visit (even though I can count on one hand the times I would actually bleed or have actual pain just going to the bathroom, so it's mainly a fear factor that's been the problem). At one point, I had a skin tag cut and had botox injections. I actually came close to considering surgery until one doctor, in a fortunate turn of events, told me that that was a terrible idea.

Even with the fissure resolved, however, I was still having problems. I developed strange tailbone pain. Just a lot of tension in all of my pelvic muscles. Eventually, I was told that this tension was the core of the problem: It could cause fissures to begin with, and even when they went away, the tension could cause pain and make bathroom visits difficult. I was told to do physical therapy, which I tried for a while, without a lot of success.

Today, I am actually better in a lot of ways. But I still have a lot of the tensions I was referring to. I should say that going to the bathroom is not usually painful but feels somehow weird. One symptom that tends to freak me out is that - and pardon the graphic nature of this - I pretty consistently poop in a "trajectory" to the right side. This is something that I definitely didn't use to do, and the only explanation I can find is that perhaps the muscles are less able to relax on one side than the other? But it definitely seem to be very physical and thus has been wondering if TMS is really a good explanation. If anyone has any thoughts on this, it'd be helpful, and again, please excuse the graphic nature.

The remaining pelvic (mostly rectal) tension comes and goes. It hardly ever totally goes away, but most of the time it's not strong enough to really bother me. One thing that does make me suspect that all of this is rather TMS-y is that there doesn't always seem a rhyme or reason to the tension (sometimes it does seem to be related to going to the bathroom, and sometimes it doesn't). I do notice that my pelvic muscles are incredibly tight to the touch sometimes, and when I physically manipulate them, that does seem to help. Also, relaxation exercises seem to help. But overall I'm left with a lot of fear and doubts, and this has been going on for several years now, so I thought I'd see if anyone had any thoughts. Any help is much appreciated.

All the best,
Samuel

 

Hi Samuel,
From what you describe, I think that TMS and releasing whatever anger is tucked down inside will loosen those muscles. I get that muscle tension kind of pain too where you can tell your muscles are tight in that spot where you have pain or discomfort but you can't for the life of you stop it - except for the few seconds you are trying to relax them. When I found this forum the pain had been in my upper left abdomen, then my teeth and then my throat. I could feel how I was holding my throat tight but the pain and discomfort had me very concerned. After multiple different self diagnoses from my scared self I think I had zoned in on it being something dangerous with my thyroid. Then I came across Sarno and this forum.
It only took ONE writing session for my throat to relax while I let my subconscious go to town on what I was angry about. (Mostly dumb childhood stuff.)
Well, technically two writing sessions as the first time I had to abort mission at the start because my heart started pounding out of my chest after I wrote on my paper, "What are you angry about?"

On to your pooping....I wouldn't worry too much about the trajectory. You only notice that because you are paying close attention. I've done the same thing questioning my poops many, many times. "Normal" people poop and don't notice any of that, even though they have all the same different poops from time to time too.
As to no rhyme or reason......the rhyme and reason is the hidden emotions. The crap inside. <------ see what I did there.
I'm going to bet that the reason for the discomfort and attention in that area is either one of two things.

- the anal fissure got you scared and so even after that was gone your mind latched on to that as a good way to keep you distracted

- your inner rage/anger has some connection to your bum area.

More likely the first reason. TMS people tend to get normal pains and sickness and then hang onto them after they are technically gone.

Are you open to exploring your inner anger that you probably don't realize that you have?