Day 8 Reduced, but niggling.

Although it has been a week since starting this program, I read John Sarno's book slightly before this.

The progress made has been rapid and hugely relieving. Just a week or so ago I could barely pick up my 10 week old baby and required strong painkillers, such as tramadol, to be able to function. When sitting down I would want to punch myself in the lower back and pelvis region. One of the doctors looked at me and told me I had scoliosis, to which I had to explain that in fact I did not. My muscles were just so tense that they had pulled my spine out of its usual shape. Yet now I am now off the painkillers and my discomfort is much more bearable. Parenting is back to normal! I hope to resume some light sporting activities soon having already managed to cycle to work.

Journalling has been quite illuminating. There are certain topics that I felt had been fully processed and put behind me, but actually reopening them allowed me to view them with a completely different approach to my younger self. In particular, I find myself look further back beyond those incidents/situations to gain an understanding of how they came to be. Sometimes there are connections I had not seen before. On other occasions I have felt more sympathy and understanding towards someone where I might have felt anger before.

My discomfort still niggles from time to time, but I am becoming aware of the current stressors that set them off. Consequently, The usual fear that comes with the pain isn't so strong now, so that cycle seems to be at least partially broken.

 

Oh how I can relate to everything you said, crookedintheuk! It is so interesting to look back and see things in many layers - the younger self, our caregivers with their own wounding, life circumstances... I definitely find myself going through a three-step process in my head now: how is the adult me feeling about this, where in my history is that coming from, and what might be causing the other person to act the way they are acting that triggered me.

As a vegan, I find that choosing food based on compassion has made me a more compassionate person about animals and the environment. Through the TMS program, I am finding that being compassionate to my present day self and my younger self has made me MUCH more compassionate towards those who make me angry or upset, now and in my past.

Beautiful that you are doing this work, and that you can share your more compassionate, reduced-pain self with your precious young child.

And way to go on cycling to work! Woo hoo!