Day 10 Reduction in Fear

I think the biggest victory I’ve had so far is a reduction in fear. I’ve been exercising again, perhaps even a little too much, but it makes a huge difference to think “there’s nothing wrong, it’s just a little pain, and the pain is just a distraction” instead of “oh my god what if this gets worse and worse!” There’s no major difference in my physical state, but the fear of whether or not I’ll fall apart is fading away. I’ve been pushing myself to move normally, do things I’d normally view as dangerous, with no negative repercussions. And I’m becoming aware of the way the pain moves to different body parts. There’s no way this is structural!

Where I’m struggling is with being perfectionistic about treatment. It’s almost become another thing to beat myself up about it. I find myself wondering if I’m “good enough” to recover. Am I doing well enough at the program to heal? I also find it a little exhausting at times. Constantly reminding myself of this new way of thinking takes a lot of brainpower. It’s overwhelming. I’m feeling a lot of fear that this won’t work for me. I feel I’m totally buying and believing it, but I think my own self-doubt is holding me back. Does anyone have any advice? What helped you through these challenges?

 

Congratulations on making so much progress and having important insights after only 10 days. Realizing that you're becoming perfectionistic about applying the new learning is great. Many of us have been there early in our recovery process. What helped me was to commit to reading about and working on my TMS for only about an hour a day, but to be sure to do it every day. After spending your hour or so, put it aside and live your life. Eventually the new learning will become more embedded in your thinking and more automatic. It's a process and for most of us it takes a while.

 

T

Thank you Ellen!

 

From what I have heard, this is the best attitude to have. You will get better with thinking this way. Good for you!

 

This right here is what is important!