Relaps after 3 years

Relapse after 3 years pain free



After 3 years of being pain free my life was going great. I suffered with

Back pain that went all the way down my leg and then into my foot. It felt

Like someone had put my leg and foot into burning hot lava then put a

Blow torch onto it. One night I couldn’t sleep and came across the book crooked

Which talked about other methods to relive back pain. Since I had gone to everyone traditional

Including surgeons who told me I’d be like this for ever I thought why not try something

Different out of desperation. I didn’t try Dr Sarno right away. I tried another thing where I basically didn’t bend for a year and my spine became so stiff it almost cracked in half when I moved a little.

Finally out of desperation I tried Dr Sarno’s books, I read them and it worked. Each day it got

A bit better I could feel the blood going to my leg and foot. Eventually I started to exercise and

After a few months I finally had my life back after two years of laying on the floor and

Crying myself to sleep.



Then at the end of March 2022 after 3 years of no pain I have back pain again.

It started with muscle spasms in my glut and right calf. Then became pain that moved

Between my calf and what some would call sciatica nerve in my glut area.



The pain started shortly after my entire family contracted COVID. First it was my kids then my

Wife, then I got it last. 4 weeks after everyone had it I got it. I spent a solid 7 days in bed with a high fever. I felt dizzy for about two weeks after COVID was gone. I felt like those days when I had back pain. Completely helpless unable to work or focus on much else. Then I finally got the COVID symptoms under control after about 3 weeks and then just before I was about to go on a vacation with my wife and kids the back pain started. It progressively got worse and I immediately thought it was TMS. A lot has been going on that may be causing this. First off, 6 months earlier my wife was diagnosed with cancer. She has gone through treatment and has recovered since. Also, i was given a promotion with a new position that was extremely high stress. In fact it was the job I had worked my whole career for. I won’t go into the details about work but for the past six months it’s been high stress but I achieved the goal and the stress is over now as of 2 weeks ago. Additionally, within the last two years I’ve taken over my parents finances as their age and health aren’t good. I found out they were in considerable dept and I solved that issue. So yes there is a lot going on in my life.



I knew this was TMS so a week after the pain started I started reading the books again. I started journaling again about everything. Prior to COVID I was working-out 7 days a week but stopped when I got sick with COVID ,then the back pain. Now, after a bit of time off and after re-reading the books I’m back working out again but I still have pain.



I know it takes time, i know you shouldn’t focus on the pain or be discourages by relapses, but I can’t figure out why this happened. All of the obvious things don’t seem to be causing the pain. I’ve considered them deeply. I’ve thought a lot about the past, ( death given my wife’s cancer scare), work, family finances. Although I have had improvement I seem to be stuck.

It’s not getting worse but I am no longer getting better either.



I know that I have to just keep with it but I could use a bit of advice or help with this last bit.



Thanks

 

Hey Muskey1867,

Sounds like you've been going through a lot, with the COVID and all. Sorry about the relapse, but that's not unusual. For many of us, TMS is not a one and done affair. We all suffer from a condition called "being human". And TMS is part of the human condition. But that doesn't mean we have to live in pain or with physical symptoms. It just means we have to address the cause.

You'll hear differencing opinions here. But my belief is if you're experiencing pain or symptoms, you have to do the work. (I'm not implying that you're not, by-the-way). You mentioned you're journaling. I think that's great. If you're not familiar, I strongly recommend Nichole Sach's Journal Speak method. How to JournalSpeak — The Cure for Chronic Pain It's a form of very deep, no-holes-barred, let everything out... journaling. It's followed by a self-compassion, self-love meditation. The self-compassion part is very important.

You might also want to read Howard Schubiner's or Alan Gordon's book and do what they suggest. Or maybe develop your own plan. Whatever works for you.

Finally, don't forget to go out and live your life. Don't let the pain stop you from doing anything you want to do.

 

Muskey1867 Welcome to the Forum and Wiki,
I love Cap'n Spanky's reply.

Many have relapses, and as you're doing, it seems a deeper dive into the work, including the emotional is what is needed. This is often true after a "book cure." Somehow deep inside, we have more we need to learn and feel. This will probably be a deepening in your life. This process of a relapse often starts with a particular stress or physical trauma, as you've had with Covid. Take heart and consider doing the Structured Education Program at the Wiki. Getting a local therapist and using them for support is great too. Add depth and patience to the process and ask yourself what inside wants to be felt and understood which might be hidden. Also, doing a program like the SEP and simply being patient and confident that you don't have to fix anything may be a good approach.

Andy

 

indeed, it’s a process. and for most of us, a lifelong one. generally I find that once you think you’ve beaten TMS and you go out into the world and you live your life and you forget all about it, new symptom imperatives will arise that at first will seem completely unrelated to TMS, but if you really scrutinize it you realize it’s all related and of a kind.
then, the even deeper work begins.

 

I have been pain free since '99 or so... and I have had a couple of relapses so I know how frustrating it is when your saying to yourself "I know this is TMS...why is this happening to me?~!"

...and every time I have had one, I have had a list like yours. different details, but essentially like 4 or 5 rage inducers rolling around at once....and I sort of 'fell asleep' again.

What caught my attention on the list was that quote. A lot of times because we are 'over the hump' we think 'why now?'. If you re-read healing back pain, Sarno originally thought the pain was a release or expression. He didn't come up with the DEFENSE theory until he'd been doing it awhile.

Maybe when something stressful happens like a tough project at work, even though it's over, The fact that it occupied my attention and took every ounce of skill, focus, strength I possess might be what is the rage maker, because after it My "Little kid inside" Might be saying something "Damn... just barely cleared that hurdle... that is scary that problems THAT challenging can come up... I wonder what else might come and threaten my abilities,skills, finance, patience???"

You just got a ton of people relying on you. THAT is a pisser! I just found out one of my sons is mad at me just because I didn't 'act OK' when something really painful happened...so not only do I have to perform, earn, win, but I need to do it with a smile on my face quoting scripture and staying calm. That's BS! to my unconscious. I don't ever get to 'break face'.

..and the parents? I just did that for a couple of years and I had so many attempted TMS incursions I couldn't count them all.

the unconscious is slow and lumbering...and that's a good thing because it keeps us stable. But you seem to have a lot of stuff 'stuck in the pipes'. If you turn your attention to those and start having a couple of them loosen their hold, the others ought to go quick..and then the symptom will go...it's about ANGER