Day 10 Relapse

So I started the SEP a couple months ago. I initially had great success with it (I wish I had taken the time to write about my success as encouragement for others rather than only coming back to talk about my pain).

After about a week on the SEP my pain had pretty much vanished. I had overcome a great deal of fear and removed some self imposed boundaries. I felt like I had finally won. I figured there was no need to continue with the program, so I quit after day 9.

For the past couple weeks, my pain is back. Just to keep things interesting, my pain is in a brand new form. It was previously mostly in my left QL region, top of illiac crest and left knee. Now, it is horrible coccyx pain. I try to laugh it off, I try to not indulge in fear. But it really hurts. I just can't. It just takes it out of me.

At age 33, I feel like about 85. I very gingerly stand up, and carefully brace myself with my hands before gently sitting down. I try not to bend too much. Athletic activities are out of the question. My great joy in life is (or was) surfing and I just can't do it.

Yesterday I tried to go surfing anyway thinking "I'm not really injured, I will not be limited by fear, it's psychological" and all that. My first time paddling into a wave, I popped up and immediately upon impact of my feet on the board, I felt the pain just stab into my coccyx. I kicked out and tried to just relax and do some mindfulness stuff in the water, I tried to get off my board and just do some stretches and light swimming. I thought "maybe I just wasn't warmed up enough." I tried again, same result. Defeated, I just rode the whitewash in and felt so much pain it was like I could hardly walk up onto the beach. After sitting a while the pain subsided. I just sat on the beach and watched the other surfers, full of anger and sadness that my body wasn't working properly.

I feel so completely powerless. I've felt some placebo effect several times over the past year every time I try a new treatment (acupuncture, massage, heat/ice, new mattress, PT, meditation, etc) and I'm worried my early success with SEP was just another placebo. And it's already worn off.

I know it was a mistake to quit early, and I am going to get back to doing the work and see if it helps.

 

Hi mirepoix,

In my experience the TMS work is not a placebo. I tried years of therapies, and I had some of the placebo effect with my foot treatments. But Dr. Sarno's work has been completely different for me. 99% pain reduction and all functionality for over two years, after years in severe foot pain (and recommended surgeries).

What seems to happen though in TMS work is that there can be an initial break-through, and then symptoms return, meaning there is more work to do. On the forum here several folks have spoken of a "book cure" and then have symptoms come back in a month or later in their life.

I want to encourage you, and re-assure you that if you had relief, it is the real thing.

Andy B.

 

Hi, mirepoix. I think you would be helped a lot by reading Steve Ozanich's book, THE GREAT PAIN DECEPTION.
He said he healed his multiple pains by believing they were not structural but caused by TMS, in his case
anger at doctors for having put his wife needlessly in a wheelchair. He fought his pain by continuing to play golf
despite the pain. It is a very inspirational book and has helped many people to heal.

Pain moves around in us because our subconscious wants us to learn the psychological reasons causing it.

Andy is right. "Book cures" don't happen to most of us. It takes work, but TMS work is worth it.

 

Hey mirepoix,
It is sad that you relapsed, I am sorry for that, but I think it's really cool of you to come back here and pick up where you left off. You may feel like you had no choice in the matter, given your pain, but you truly did. Every day that you get out of bed and decide to fight by journaling, listening to your inner self, and going through the SEP - those are all choices. Keep choosing them!

 

+1 for steve's book. I'm about 50% of the way through it, and I can feel it sinking into my mind more and more by the day. I really recommend it.

 

Take a read of this: http://www.tmswiki.org/ppd/Breaking_the_Pain_Cycle,_by_Alan_Gordon,_LCSW
Note the section about 'extinction burst'. See what you think.

 

Thank you for your response. I have one question, was your experience of plantar fasciitis a feeling of bone pain? One recent discouragement I've had is in reviewing all my Sarno reading material, I keep hearing this phrase over and over describing tms pain: "numbness, tingling, weakness."

I don't have any of that. My bones hurt. I've never had leg or nerve pain. I don't even know what sciatica feels like. If I had to point to my pain, it is the bony prominences. My pelvis, tailbone, bottom of my rib; these are the things that hurt. It doesn't even feel like muscle pain.

I just worry that I am one of the unlucky few with rheumatoid arthritis who will be in pain no matter what, tms or no.

 

Hi Mirepoix,
I would say most of my pain was in the soft tissue. But I wouldn't dismiss your pain as not being TMS. I recall Dr. Sarno saying that pain can be created "in any part of the body."
Andy B.

 

One of my many numerous symptoms was tailbone pain. I had many injections in my tailbone.... none ever helped. I wore a tens unit for a year when the pain finally went away. It basically moved to another location.... my IT band and pelvic floor.

Welcome back Mirepoix. Continue the program to learn more about yourself and your personality traits. Dr. Sarno says education is the penicillin. Worry and fear are one of many TMS traits that can dominate our thinking. Keep thinking psychological versus physical. You can do it and you will develop the tools to help you manage or eliminate your symptoms.

 

Mirepoix,
You asked Andy about bone pain....well I broke a heel spur. After the spur healed I had pain for 3 months solid. I found out the continued pain was tms. That was last September. My foot will act up sometimes, but I know its from my brain, not my bone. For awhile I worried everytime it hurt that it was broken again, but I haven't thought about it for months now. My foot is fine

Remember your pain went away, that is great news! You're onto something wonderful!

You have tests for RA that are negative?

 

Thank you for your response. I am still struggling with all this, but it's so beneficial to hear from people who have had very serious pain for a long time who have gotten measurably better.

It can just be so discouraging when I feel that pain and can't stop it. For example, just now I was walking outside on the sidewalk and stumbled. I didn't fall all the way to the ground, but it caused me to quickly engage all sorts of back/hip muscles to keep myself from toppling over, and it just shot so much burning pain through my body. Just to catch myself as I slipped. This is not right. This is not the way things should be. It feels like a constant reminder that I am fragile and weak and unsafe in my own body.

I tried to walk it off, I tried breathing exercises, I tried to treat it like a panic attack rather than a physical injury (stay calm, breath, it will pass, etc.) I was successful in keeping calm and the pain dulled rather than getting worse as it has in similar situations in the past, so that is a good sign.

I have still been unable to shake my tailbone pain. For the past 12 years, cycling has been my main form of transportation (I live in NYC) and I just can't sit comfortably in my saddle anymore. It is such a bummer. I have switched saddles a couple times, I have one left I want to buy but I'm not that hopeful it will stop the pain.

I finally made an appt to get blood work done about possibility of rheumatoid arthritis. If it is there, at least I can get better drugs and try to manage it. If it's not, then I can commit more fully to the TMS treatment.

 

Thank you for your response. Yes, I was actively looking for people with pain that feels like it "radiates from your bones" rather than nerve, numb, tingling, muscle type pain. I know that just because it feels like it's from the bones doesn't mean that it is, but that's how it feels anyway. It is encouraging for me to hear from people with "bone pain" who have since recovered using TMS methods. I personally know a guy who had a dramatic TMS recovery, but his pain was sciatic, which I've never had.

I have an appointment to see about RA and get blood work done. I have been meaning to for some months, but honestly I was just hoping my pain would go away and I wound't have to bother. But it hasn't, so off I go.

 

Mirepoix,
I hope you are seeing some improvement!

I am here to prod you about journaling! Maybe you are again doing some, but I know for me when I was doing good I "got busy". Then a couple stressful things came up, but I thought I could handle it because "now I know how". Well...even when I started having pain when I woke in the mornings I was rushing, rushing! No time to journal, I will later.....then I was nervous one morning, but I was to busy to stop, or so I thought! Well I almost started crying in the grocery store. I had to admit, I needed to slow down, listen to the message my brain was sending via my body, and more seriously address the present stuff in my life.

Maybe you need something else, but journaling might help you find out what.
Lizzy

 

I know that this post is a couple of years late, but I figured if I'm reading this then others are too.

Rheumatoid arthritis can be easily ruled out with an exam and bloodwork by an endocrinologist. If you're worried about that one.

When it comes to BONE pain though don't let the word BONE scare you. My TMS journey started with bilateral sesamoiditis - inflammation of bones in both feet. It was horrible to say the least. My bones were failing me, I thought!

The good news? Since my recovery my feet have been perfectly healthy for years now. I can tip-toe, dance, walk on hardwood floors, or in heels, I can run and sprint, all of it. No limits.
I had one every really scary relapse a couple of years ago because it was my first one, caught me by surprise. I quickly recovered. And since then IF I get a twinge of pain in my feet I don't even care. I laugh at it. And it vanishes.

At the time of my severe pain though I had ruled out any systemic disease. But my two foot MRIs showed bone necrosis (!), severe inflammation, fluid collection, tendonitis........Terrifying. Surgery was suggested but I voted against it cause it was not a guarantee of relief. And why did I need surgery?.. It didn't make sense, since I hadn't done anything to my feet. Instead I tried all of it from PT to ice baths, herbs, etc. Acupuncture was the only thing that SLIGHTLY relieved the pain. But it took discovering TMS and learning to ignore the pain to make it go away.

I fully recovered. My recovery was not quick like many people's. It needed a little of convincing It took however long it needed to take.

So don't let the words "bone" scare you.