Day 17 Restrictive non allowing

Monte H.'s article was good today. I like the idea of non-allowing versus allowing.

I definitely am in a cycle if restriction. My thoughts generate tension.

I know I am in a restrictive behavior pattern but not sure exactly what it is.

I am rigid pretty rigid in some ways. I also am certain I have a chronic attitude that is restrictive. Maybe the attitude of "I can't because ..."

I wrote to my indecisiveness. I feel very insane. Over analyze choices.
Just last night I spent over an hour reading about SMART TVs. I usually think I will make the wrong choice. I often think products will be faulty and service providers are scamers. I don't trust much which is becoming clear. I don't trust myself to make proper choices which has let to researching. I always feel very drained and nauseated after being online. It is a compulsive behavior and it probably contributes to TMS symptoms.

Is this a perfectionistic behavior pattern? Trying to make the perfect choice which often leaves me making no choice at all.

I want to be informed but not obsessive.

 

Yes Shells, your description is painfully familiar to me, and I think shows the anxiety and fear that contribute to perfectionism.

 

Dear Shells, I do same things and feel insane the same way. I've never thought about writing to my my indecisiveness or that this pattern would be a sign of perfectionism. Thank you for sharing and making me think about it.

 

This resonates with me regarding wanting to make the perfect choice. For me, though, it is in dating relationships. I've been looking closely at my"fear of getting it wrong" which is underlying all of it.

I found that I needed to be ok with the option that is the "least imperfect", for example my refrigerator. Every single fridge, no matter which manufacturer, had bad reviews about super cold spots in the fridge. Of course, the one I bought with the least bad reviews has super cold spots that will freeze produce. So I just put packaged items in those spots in my fridge. When I accept the imperfections in other people (and things), I am finding myself more open to accepting the imperfections in myself, which is where my pain lies. This is from the emotional wounds of childhood, which resulted in a false belief that the reason I wasn't being loved and my needs weren't being met was because something was wrong with ME. The truth is that my parents had their own wounding and loved me with conditions from their false beliefs...