Retirement as TMS Trigger

Hi, I'm new here. I've had migraines since childhood, but now that I'm retired (for two years) they have become chronic. I have migraine pain 3-4 days per week. Without the structure and busyness of work, I've found all of my repressed emotions coming to the surface. I do JournalSpeak to help process my emotions, but I'm looking for suggestions from others who have retired and faced a bubbling sea of emotions rising to the surface. I should say that I didn't have any big T trauma growing up, but quite a bit of little T trauma because my father was in the Navy and we moved around a lot. My husband and I are planning to move overseas in about 6 months, so that has stirred up repressed childhood emotions as well. Thanks!

 

My thoughts on this topic is that as long as we are alive, we will have stress and anxiety. And if we are prone to use the defense mechanism of TMS to cope with our fears, then we will always have reasons to do so. Each stage of human life has its stresses. I thought when I retired that things would be easier since I no longer had the stress of raising a family and/or dealing with work. But, as Jan points out, I then found I had the stress and fears associated with an aging body, loss of social status, and facing mortality. So I'm still fighting the tendency my mind has to use TMS to not have to face these issues. It's a lifelong struggle for most of us.

 

I can so relate. I turned 70 in December, and my TMS symptoms of anxiety and low back pain have escalated to the point that I cannot sit or stand for very long without severe pain, aching, burning, radiating pain from my back into my hips, pelvis, ribs. I have to lay down on my side until it calms down. I am so anxious about getting old and nonfunctional. I want to be there for my daughter and grandbabies to help but feel so inadequate. It is very depressing when we cannot meet the expectations of ourselves and others. I've read all Saro books and others and have got better in the past, but cannot seem to get rid of this current bout of severe pain. I feel desperate at times.

 

Working out helps. For the body to increase muscle mass and for the mind to decrease anxiety. Especially after a certain age.

 

@Elise88
I’m right there with you! Younger than you but retired for many years.
I’ve been thinking a lot about this.
TMS-era have to break away from some of the medical “crap” we’ve been fed.. but it’s the same folks who feed us crap about aging and our expectations. Why am I reading about marathon runners who begin at 75 and are still going at 90?
Why in my Mom’s retirement community are people still sailing, playing tennis, swimming, dancing, walking and biking daily? I think in much part because the believe they can, that it’s healthy and that there is no reason they can’t! I have been doing EFT, and I am working towards using it along with visualization to make a change. To work towards changing my limiting beliefs.
Somedays and for some periods of time it’s hard.. but I made myself a mini bucket list a few years ago of things I want to do. I’m even starting to add to the list even though I’m in the same boat as you physically. I began my list before I was ready to make that shift

It’s all part of that negative, fearful brain and making the shift.
I began my list before I was ready to make that shift.

 

I think retirement is a factor for me. I've had what I now recognize as TMS symptoms for most of my life but really started having issues once my son was ready to leave home and I had a job change. I was just at the point that I could enjoy life more and instead got sick with Interstial Cystitis. Through TMS work and therapy I've mostly resolved the IC, but the symptom imperative is real and new stuff has popped up.

I retired earlier this year and again I felt like this should be such a good time in my life but pain and anxiety keep interfering.

Right now I'm away from home visiting my family and while I'm having a good time and even some of my tingling symptoms are almost gone, I'm suddenly having severe stomach issues and I'm freaking out because I think they are a new TMS symptom and my mother has the same IBS like stuff and I don't want this happening to me....

So yes, retirement can be great but also leave you with too much time to obsess about your health and body.

I have been trying to make sure I am busy enough with both exercise and activities and I think that helps some.

 

Wow! Reading some of these posts has really hit home for me! After a life full of trauma, I've always had health issues that unbeknownst to me were pretty much always TMS. My younger years consisted of IBS, headaches, and painful bladder syndrome, to name a few. Somehow, however, I managed to keep going. Then, at age 47, I developed pudendal neuralgia, which really wrecked my life and sent the evil-ex running off so he wouldn't be stuck with a wife who had such a painful condition. He did me a favour by running away, except that he left me with very little of our savings, and of course I lost my home. As if this was not enough, I couldn't work anymore, except for a few years when I was lucky enough to get some consulting work via a couple of ex-bosses of mine. If it weren't for them, I don't know what I would've done. But by 2015 the consulting work dried up and I could no longer commute and go to work. By this time, I developed fibromyalgia, LPR (silent reflux), plus I still grappled with pudendal neuralgia, IBS, and bladder problems. So this is how my 50s were spent. Now I'm 61 and due to dwindling financials and other issues I had to make a difficult decision if I wished to have a roof over my head, and this was to go and live in an 0ver-55s village (as buying in Sydney, Australia is almost impossible and rentals have gone through the roof). So I've been living here for over a year now and where I live it is really beautiful, near national parks full of gorgeous animals and only a 10-min drive from the beach. When I first got here I thought this was great. I was one of the youngest residents and I came to live here due to financial issues rather than age. But slowly, slowly, I began to spiral into a depression vortex as I met the residents who live here. The average age-range 70s to 80s (and some are in their 90s), and many of them struggle so much with health issues that are not TMS but simply ageing. This is terrible to see and I really feel for them, but at the same time this affects me too.

So being surrounded by a gorgeous environment, but seeing people being taken away by ambulance (sometimes never to return) really took a toll on me. I'm already hypervigilant with anxiety, and have lived with anxiety all my life, but suddenly I'm being faced with death and decay all around me--especially decay--and this had a terrible impact on my health, so much so that all of a sudden I ended up with ear problems. I have three different types of tinnitus now, and I also developed patulous eustachian tube (PET) which is a rare condition, and though much is written about it no one seems to know what causes it and there is no cure. But I saw that anxiety/stress was listed as one of the possible causes, and so straight away I emailed Dr Schubiner to ask him if PET is considered to be TMS, a 'lo and behold! I get a reply from him a few days later, telling me that only these past couple of weeks he's seen some patients with PET. Aha! I was right, but in any case I'm also exhausted--exhausted with always having to deal with a TMS conditions. Right now I'm not in a good place and I wish I could move away from this kind of environment, for I'm sure being surrounded by this kind of reality reminds me of the horrible way both my parents aged and died.

I know where I live now is just "geography", but being in this environment has reminded me that I'm now aging, my past skills are not needed by anyone, plus I'm alone as my brother is my only family and he's too busy with his wife and a young child, so I don't see them often. I don't have close friends, either, not after being used by two so-called close friend which in the end I've had to let go. This caused much anguish on my part, and I've been left with a huge sense of abandonment.

As for ageing and death, I certainly struggle with all the anxieties of the mess of our planet plus losing my power because I'm no longer considered young. I used to think it would be great to not have to work a stressful corporate job, and I couldn't wait until I retired and my plan was to move overseas with my then husband. But all that disappeared when pudendal neuralgia reared its ugly head and everything fell apart.

So now all I'm left with is my cat, Mia, who treats me like a slave but loves me anyway, plus she shares a birthday with my lifelong idol, David Bowie! (What are the chances of that happening, right?). But in terms of health, well, I still think 99.9% of what I have is TMS-derived, but sometimes I feel too tired to keep doing the work of neuroplasticity. I often find myself hoping that when my time comes to leave this planet (and I'm not afraid of leaving it) I hope it's quick and painless.

Apologies if my post depresses anyone here

 

@Syl:
My suggestion is to seek some sort of mental healthcare to deal with some of the issues causing you internal stress. Like the whole aging thing along with your tms. There is an Australian ISDTP therapist who deals with TMS. It’s worth considering if healthcare will cover it: https://www.istdpgoldcoast.com.au/

 

Hello, thank you for your reply. Medicare does not cover any form of mental health costs. I found an ISDTP therapist based in Sydney (where I live), but he charges around $300 per hour. I cannot believe just how expensive mental health is, and our system doesn't cover it (or rather, the practitioner has a choice to get rebates from Medicare, but they don't get a lot and so they simply charge private fees). Anyway, in the past I've tried some counselling and had some sessions with different psychologists on/off. Unfortunately, I found no help at all from this end. I find writing about my feelings helps more than any kind of psychotherapy. At this point, this is what I'm doing.