Returning to Work

On Tuesday, I'm scheduled for a meeting with my employers, about returning to work on modified duties. I intend to say that I'm ready to come back at full duties because I know that in order to overcome my TMS I need to stop treating my body and start treating my mind. So I need to go in and do my job and trust that I'll be ok. However, my pain is still so intense, my symptoms are still so extreme, I have no idea how to handle tth pain while I'm there. Can anyone provide me with coping mechanisms for TMS and work?

 

Why not slowly build up the hours instead of wanting to go the full distance all of a sudden? Don't be too hard on yourself, but also don't be too soft. Tell your employer that you'll start modified duties with reluctance, because your goal is to go full duties as fast as possible, but that you need to be realistic about that goal and don't want to risk an overload and hit a brick wall. Neither you nor your employer would benefit from that. I did and I feel it was a good approach, as it allowed me to slowly gain confidence and endurance. Yes, some people manage to alter their mindset and get rid of any symptoms in a matter of days, but in my experience those people are exceptions.
What also helped for me was to schedule 20-25minutes every day to sit in a quiet place (empty office or outside when the weather permitted it) and meditate.

 

We already did restricted duties with a graduated timeline and it didn't work, this was prior to me figuring out that I've got TMS mind you. I was convinced that my work was making my back worse. My employers are not, compassionate people, and I already have an absenteeism problem, also from my TMS, now that I've been able to reflect on it. They are threatening to fire me. Work is my main stresser, and my main personality trait is being complacent/lazy. My doctor has screwed up the medical forms so many times that I don't have anything to back up my claims. The whole process of trying to get time off, trying to go on light duty, trying to get my doctor to provide proper medical, has only made my anxiety worse, thus causing more symptoms and the pain to increase. If I just jump back in, stay out of the doctor's office and focus on unlearning my pain, I believe I will overcome this.

 

So many things about your situation that I dont know... but the red flag is when u wrote " work is my main stressor." Though I understand your desire to get back to work and keep your job, I have to agree with Gigalos. I admire your grit to just put Tms away and go for it, but u might be putting yourself under too much pressure. I guarantee from your brief description and my past experience with losing my job to TMS, your employer will go only so far. I havent been able to work since august 2016 and was on a medical LOA. If your employer is willing to work with u again, it might be worth considering. Do you like the job you are trying to return to? I wish u good luck with whatever decision u make.

 

I don't particularly like my job but it's all I have and I've got zero other options. My loa's keep being denied because the paperwork doesn't line up with what they deem acceptable. Muscle strain, si joint malfunction, pain management. It doesn't matter what we say, they deny. I know that I am in pain, but I also know that I'm not going to further damage myself, I've finally accepted that it's psychological, something I've assumed for awhile, but was unwilling to accept. I wholeheartedly accept and know that I have TMS.

 

If you were trying to go back to a job that you really liked in a supportive environment, that would be great. Unfortunately, you are describing going back to a job you don't like (probably for financial reasons) and you don't feel you have options. It just sounds like you are putting a lot of pressure on yourself. You are describing severe pain right now. Are you able to ignore the pain at home and keep on going? Some members are able to turn the pain down by talking to their brains. This hasnt worked for me yet. Just wondering if you have a way of dialing back the pain or fear before you get to work. It sounds like your body has already spoken to you about this job...back when you had your first Loa or modified schedule. Believe me, I know what it is like to be unemployed and to want to be back in action again. The pain, boredom, hopelessness, and financial distress are overwhelming. I hope whatever decision you make works out well. Hope you feel less and less pain. Best of luck with your meeting tomorrow.

 

I'm still waiting on advice from my union, but I'm thinking of being honest with my employers about all the medical hoops I've been dealing with and I why my paperwork keeps changing. Leaving out the TMS stuff, but owning up to the rest of it. Hopefully they'll be willing to accommodate me for a little bit longer, but obviously not with such crazy restrictions. If they agree I'm going to take it easy on myself. If not, I'll just suck it up. About 12 years ago when I first got my job, I developed a classic case of RSI in both my forearms, it travelled up to my biceps, and eventually to my shoulders, I was wearing braces to bed that made me look like the Bionic woman. (All this happened right around the time my Godmother died, classic TMS) Only thing is, I didn't know it was TMS, so I muscled through, eventually greived my Aunt and it went away. I know I can do it. And I know that once my pain goes away, I'm going to be able to focus again and go back to school, and quit my job. No more fear.