Day 3 Running

Today is day 3 of revisiting the TMS Structured Education program. A big thank you to those of you who have responded to my first Forum. I'm already feeling some relief.

Today I read the "Ah my Non-Aching Back" piece in New York Magazine. As a New Yorker for the past 12 years, I love that this article was published in 1987 - 21 years before the month I moved to New York. I should say love to hate it. I'm actively baffled that most people still neglect research and case studies on the mind-body connection and the "placebo" effect. The close-minded nature of the human analytical brain is frustrating, to say the least. Getting people to look at their "don't know, don't know(s)" is something I've become increasingly passionate about. All we have to do is look. How do we get more people to just look?

Yesterday I went for a 3.4-mile run and clocked in at ~7.30/mile. I know I can get under 7 minutes if I keep up the momentum. Evening runs over the Williamsburg Bridge have been my daily excuse to leave my apartment and get some fresh air during COVID-19. Yesterday before the run, I was in the worst pain I'd experienced since first starting this program last summer. Through reading this forum, I better understand now that sometimes the physical activity itself can help me get to the bottom of what I'm resisting. And, of course, what I'm resisting and the related emotion - letting go the emotion itself - is the root cause of my pain.

It's fear. I've been in fear of having several tough conversations in my work and romantic life. I've been in fear that my new-ish business won't afford me the life I want, especially during a recession. I've been in fear that if I tell my business partner the truth about how I feel, he won't "like me" anymore. I've been in fear that the business will slow down or that I'll have "another failed business partnership." I want to tell the woman I've been seeing that I'm not interested in dating her long-term, and I'm scared I'll disappoint her. I'm scared to tell my current roommate that I'm likely going to move out this summer.

Reading these allowed, I'm also in fear that I'm simply taking on TOO MUCH right now. I'm trying to make changes in several areas of my life all at once. It's not only fear - it's perfectionism. I must get the business partnership "right." I must get dating "right". I must live in the "right" apartment. I'm in fear of how these conversations go because I'm so worried about getting everything "right."

The reality is that these choices are meaningless, even though they feel "real" to me. I can't mess up the business, the apartment, or the dating situation. All I can do is learn. More importantly, I have to let the e-motions - energy in motion (hint hint) - actively flow out of my body. I can't resist the fear. The back pain IS NOT worth it. I have to express myself and speak my truth, even if it's just to my journal to start.

Thank you for listening and hope this helps someone else. I'm going for my run early today.

 

Yay for running! Sounds like you are making good progress. Perfectionism is a pain as it comes with a frequent dose of feeling not good enough. While it's annoying and sometimes difficult to think through those types of feelings, the more you do it, the less scary they should become. That helped me with my fear of being a "failure", which was a huge component of my symptoms.

 

Thanks @ssxl4000 !!

 

Hi.. I just started this program, and am on day #3.
I am so inspired by your post!
I have always resisted doing things when I'm in pain, furthering my decline.
Also, I need to speak up regarding things in my life. I need to take action..
I am currently in a holding pattern but need to take action as I feel life is passing me by and I'm 61 already.. so no "spring chicken".
Life is a journey.. we have to keep foraging ahead!

 

@kimbob369 hi! I'm sorry it's taken me so long to reply here. I'm so happy my post inspired you. How is everything going so far since you wrote?

I really resonate with "speaking up." It's something that is proving a bigger and bigger part of my journey, as well. And I'm not sure the universe cares about age as much we humans think it's important. To your point, it's a journey!

This week I started to feel some pain again so I'm revisiting the program. I've been using the excuse that I'm sitting at a new desk, which by all other accounts should be WAY more comfortable than how I was working before. I know there's something I'm resisting or not speaking up about that's the real culprit.

Excited to hear how things are going for you!

 

"Perfectionism is a pain as it comes with a frequent dose of feeling not good enough." That line says it all. Thanks for sharing.!

 

Hi Robert

I just read your post and it touched me so I’d thought I’d write. I to can relate as I have had
A fear of running, and facing my fear and started running again this week with pain.
(I don’t think my face was very pretty running
In pain at the gym lol )
I can also relate to you saying you are taking on to much at once, ie perfectionist.
My pain started during me taking of 3 major life events at once lol and building my
Business. Since my pain I have re evaluated
Everything and put down what doesn’t need to be done now.
Maybe be kind to your self and make those changes that you are fearful of in your own time with no pressure on yourself. Meditation is excellent at calming my body and turning off the stress response.
Well done with your running.
Wishing you lots of positivity and good vibes tonight from Brighton England.
Lee