Day 3 Running

I'm posting my response to today's question, as suggested in the program.

When was the last time you exercised or did another physical activity? What was this activity? How did it make you feel physically and emotionally? If it has been a while since you last exercised, why?

I went for a run yesterday. I don't normally run. In fact I haven't in years. But I remembered that a long time ago I ran as part of an outdoors program when I was 16 and at the time I was filled with a quality of confidence that I hadn't experienced before, and that has been papered over by anxiety in the years since. Interestingly, without knowing that this is what I was doing, I was giving myself permission then to not be perfect, to run without being "good at" running, and I was doing it in the form of saying: I can go as slow as I like, but I won't stop. If I get tired, I'll just slow down to where I'm basically jogging at a walking pace, and I'll not worry about speed. This method worked amazingly well at the time and allowed me to run 6 kilometers or so without even feeling that tired.

When I ran yesterday I had some good stretches where I felt free and like I could trust my body. I also had some not so good stretches where I felt symptoms and worried for an instant that I was hurting myself. Of course I dismissed those worries, reminding myself that there's nothing wrong with my body. Afterwards my legs were quite sore, and I felt some increased symptoms for the rest of the evening, but the next day I was back to my current baseline.

I'm not entirely sure what the takeaway is, but I enjoyed the experience and I'd like to keep doing it. Some part of me fears the uncomfortable increase in symptoms, but I'm trying to not let that stop me. Another part of me is quoting from somewhere where I read that running is "bad" for pelvic pain. But if I know that nothing is wrong with my body that doesn't even make sense!

I'm flying overseas for the holidays and I've been sort of worried about not being able to regularly go swimming, since that always makes my symptoms feel better for a few days. But if I can just run—which you can do anywhere—that'll at least help me to feel more active and give me something to do that feels grounding in a similar way.