Seeing it another way vs. being with your feelings

I am wondering about the opinions of other members on this. We all agree that TMS is the result of suppressed negative emotion. Before I started on this program, when I would find myself with a negative emotion I would try to look at my situation in another way, as suggested by Marianne Williamson . The intention would be this. I am angry (or any other negative emotion) but I am willing not to be. Please God help me view this another way. Show me what it is that I am not seeing.
So, my question is, is this suppressing the emotion? I am hearing that perhaps it is better to be with the emotion, process the emotion, then let it go. That makes sense to me too.
Is being with the emotion just keeping Ego happy?
Is trying to change perspective coming from spirit?
Is it the other way around?
Is there even an answer to this question?

 

I think you pose some important and interesting questions. I'll share my thoughts, and look forward to seeing what others have to say.

This may just be semantics, but I think there is a difference between suppressed emotions and repressed emotions. My understanding is that repressed emotions are at the heart of TMS, and that we are not conscious of our repressed emotions--they reside in the unconscious. I believe that suppressing an emotion would be choosing not to express an emotion that one is conscious of experiencing, such as anger. So for me changing one's perspective is a cognitive process that one can do when consciously aware of an emotion--you change how you think about the situation and it changes how you feel. However, to avoid repressing emotions, we must first allow ourselves to feel them in the body--be with them as you say. Then as we become conscious of how we feel, and how we think about a situation, we can choose to change our thoughts.

So I guess what I'm trying to say is that what Marianne Williamson is describing is a process for changing how we think about a situation which can change how we feel. But there is still value in first feeling your emotion in its true form, as sensations in your body. One process leads to the other, but they aren't exclusionary.

 

That is a brilliant explanation and makes a lot of sense to me. Thank you so much Ellen. I was seeing it as the same thing. Changing the way I think about difficulties that arise does get me through the day, but the deeper pain is still there. Through the journaling it is starting to come up. So, I will be with that and work with those feelings. Bless you.

 

I agree with Ellen answer about learning to feel the emotions in the body. I will add with my experience that the more I keep looking for emotions the more my tms rebels. If I just accept them the way they are and do not judge them, I get better. I do agree with having to learn to feel them.

Sometimes I try so hard to find the repressed emotions which has not worked to well for me. I'm learning to accept that I may never need to find what the repressed emotions exactly are. Like Steve Ozanich said quit looking for the magic healing potion it rarely works. You cannot change the past, all you have is now. Letting go has been great for me and learning how I react to my daily stressors now has helped a lot. How can I improve my relationships with others and find my purpose in this life.

Everyone's healing is unique, what may work for you will not work for others. For me it's sometimes I think I need to keep searching for the new answer when in reality for me it's just fear that is keeping that alive. That maybe I will not find the answer here or maybe this will not work so I better have another plan in place.

Ryan

 

You are right that we cannot change the past. That has been very difficult for me to accept. Most recently I am working on releasing the fantasy of how I wish my life had been. I actually wrote it down (my fantasy life) honored it, burned it and buried it. That was like a death and I spent a day in bed grieving.
The repressed emotions must still be there because I still have symptoms. As you said, there is no magic cure. I will keep working. Thank you for sharing your experience.

 

Ellen, your reply just reminded me of something else Marianne Williamson says, which is, we have no trouble giving the small things up to God, but the really big stuff, we hold onto it thinking we must handle it ourselves.

 

I think God wants us to ask for his help no matter what is troubling us,
and thank him for past prayers whether they were answered or not.

I like being hugged and have begun to imagine Jesus hugging me.

 

I like everyone's response to this. It fits in with what works for me as well. My 2 cents is one more piece to the puzzle. Dr. Peter Levine's work with Somatic Experience. Whenever we have an emotion we have a physical sensation. So when i get in touch with my physical sensations ( Somatic experiencing) I can then be with that sensation. Observe it, without judgement and be curious about it, and not try to fix it. I may come up with a feeling, i may come up with a vision of a situation or person, or I may come up with nothing. Either way, they pain, sensation , whatever usually diminishes. Please note I have been practicing this for 7 + years. As DR. Evan's says "it takes approximately one life time". What's the rush, I am on a Journey, I have no destination. As far as giving it up to God, that is still a work in progress for me, but it is rewarding when I can do it. Thanks for the reminder Walt. You can learn Peter Levine's techniques in "Waking the Tiger Healing the Trauma", it comes with a CD. And a post note here, I (and a counselor I saw) believe I emote with physical sensations. I have a great deal of difficulty feeling and identifying an emotions. The first time I actually remember "feeling" sad was mid June 2007. I remember it so distinctly because I noticed it , and stayed with it, and it passed in about 20 minutes or so. That was 4 years after I read MBP, 3 years afte I saw DR. Sarno for the first time, and 2 years into counseling with Dr. Sarno. IMO, it took me 43 years to recognize I wasn't feeling, it is going to take some time
(approximately 1 lifetime) to reverse this process.

 

Walt, it is interesting that Jesus is one of my guides in Reiki, but I have more trouble "accessing" him at other times. It's like I don't want to bother him with my issues, yet I will call on him to help me help others. Sounds like the goodist coming out in me. LOL . Oh, that is an epiphany! What do you make of that?

 

Matthew,
Maybe you feel you don't deserve unconditional Love?
Angel

 

Matthew I believe you can call on Jesus as your Guide at any time. Just imagine, visualize he is in your presence and giving you guidance and the wisdom you need. Let me know what you think and we can go further if you wish. Bless you

 

I believe you can do both as Ellen said, I do both all the time. I feel the emotion then I get my mind on something more promising and then I get these great emotions from the reframed thoughts. Bless you

 

As we train our minds to Love as God Loves and to see ourselves as God sees us we will get better. I am so thankful for all of you. I know I will heal.
Namaste.

 

Yes you will heal, you got the right attitude. We so often take the word as special thoughts and sayings without taking them literally as truth. I had to learn that in my time, the word holds all the truth you need, hold fast to that and let the wisdom from the word and the wiki here show you the expounded parts of those truths. Bless you

 

herbie, ty. that helps a lot. Angel, i am not sure why believe i dont feel i deserve unconditional love. maybe you could help me understand that?

 

I agree with angelic above, god loves us unconditionally. There is nothing you can do where he will not love you, so why should we not treat ourselves the same.

Matthew I had the same problem with not giving myself compassion. It was a long journey before I started actually feeling that I can love myself unconditionally. You should love yourself as you love others. I never did this to myself because I felt I had to get my love from others by proving myself. Also my perfectionistic personality made me so hard on myself because I had to always be perfect and not make mistakes. When I would make mistakes I would beat myself up.

Now when I make mistakes, which enevitabily happen, we are human, I tell myself it's ok and I say some affirmations to myself. It will take some time to change this habit but it can be done.

Ryan

 

MatthewNJ, Do you feel like there is something you have not forgiven yourself for, maybe, cause in the good book buddy you are already forgiven. We can start here if you wish. We can also chat about this over the phone if it gets to personal. Bless you my friend.

PS - If you do feel like you have forgiven yourself, let me know and we will go from there. Thanks pal

PSS - I will wait for Angel to respond, I answered this before I saw you had the question to her. Ryan has some awesome advice.

 

Matthew,
You said you have difficulty calling on Jesus to help you. Jesus being an enlightened being, sees us as God sees us. He recognizes the perfect love that exists inside all of us. Your statement struck me as you cannot give yourself this gift. His unconditional love is the truth that sets us free, will change our fearful thoughts.
Sometimes asking Jesus or God for help is difficult if we think of them as something outside ourselves. Their perfect love exists in each of us. Maybe it is easier for you to access Jesus in that way. Look inside your own heart. For me personally, this is more effective. In meditation I will settle into the inner peace in my heart.
Does that answer your question?
Angel

 

Ryan,
Your advice rings true as it is reminders of what I "know" , but sometimes forget and have practiced for a few years now. Practice makes better, eh? Thank you.

Herbie,
it's not me that I feel I need to forgive. That said, Thank you for the advice and the offer. I may take you up on that in a private conversation

Angel,
I understand that Jesus loves unconditionally (even me ). That said, you didn't really answer the question which was " i am not sure why believe i dont feel i deserve unconditional love."

 

Matthew,
If that is how you feel, and many in this world feel this way, including myself, something happened in your life that made you feel not good enough, unworthy. Have you ever looked at that?
I am trying to look at it more closely. The SEP is helping. Often I feel worse about myself as things come to light . Forgiveness and compassion for those who have hurt me helps a lot. And forgiveness of myself for mistakes I have made.
It doesn't feel good to be hurt or do hurtful things to others. It makes me so sick to my stomach to even think about it. I cancelled plans tonight because I feel so ill. That bothers me. The work I did on SEP today was about my parents. So there it is.
So, if you do believe you are undeserving of unconditional love from yourself or others, just look at it.
I hope that answered it better and is helpful.
Namaste - the light in me sees the light in you-
Angel