Day 39 Self care

On Day 37 I read The first words about days of rest and self care and instantly thought oh no, not another 'nothing' day! In fact it wasn't. It was just introducing the concept of self care. What a reaction though! I hadn't realised I was so driven to do do do to get better. Then reading about self care I found my eyes pricking. I used to do lots of creative things for fun but they don't seem worth it any more. I can't quite believe I'll have the pleasure I used to of just sketching, painting or modelling - I was always pleased with whatever I did, but now the result matters (I know it doesn't really). As for caring for myself, the thought of giving myself a warm hug was mKing me tearful. So a good discovery for day 37!
Now day 39 and I'm getting nervous about the end. We ARE flying across the world to see our daughter next week, but I've booked business class as I continue to have lots of pain and haven't managed to sit for more than 2 hours (that's an achievement!). I embarked on this wonderful programme to get rid of pain and I haven't done that - YET - but I've learned a lot about myself with more to come so it's been worth it a thousand fold. AND I've just had a 2 hr work session with someone where I didn't think about pain once!
Would appreciate your ideas about next steps though. This programme has been my life line for 6 weeks.

 

Hi Judy,

Congrats on making it this far in the program and for all of the self discovery you've been undertaking - like you said, "it's been worth it a thousand fold". Concerning you're fear of finishing, I understand, I've been there, and am even there now... I hesitate to tell you this because I don't want to give any false hopes, but it was my experience that the pain literally vanished, like "poof, gone", on the closing day of this program. Now, I don't know if that will happen for you, or if it has happened for others, but it really truly did happen for me like that. And I was pain free for 4 months, but then a lot of "life stuff" happened, and I wasn't really looking at it, so I had a relapse. I'm doing the program again, but I'm really trying to let go of the results. That is, while the pain is lessening, I'm trying to just focus on my emotions and ignore the pain, and also just keep it in the day. If the pain is still there at the end of this program, perhaps I'll just start again, right back at day 1. Or perhaps I'll do the shorter program, Allen Gordon's, from this site. Who knows? The point is, I'll cross that bridge when it comes. Today is not that day, nor is it for you. I'm going to focus on today- it's a rainy yucky day here in Brooklyn, NY, but I'm still gonna get dressed, grab an umbrella, and go about my day, with or without pain. It can't hurt us, that's a fact. Pain cannot kill, but it can scare the YOU KNOW WHAT out of us.

Blessings.

Kev

 

Hi, Judy and Kevin. I try to think that each day is a gift from above and He wants us to be happy and pain-free.
Now if only He would stop my computer from freezing or crashing so often! Maybe it's to tell me how unimportant that is!
Most things that happen to us each day are really unimportant. We just take them more seriously than we should.
Listen to me, preaching to myself!

 

Hi Judy,

Sounds like you are feeling a fear about the program ending. Maybe you can just be with that a little. You might just allow the feeling of "lack of support" or fear about lack of support, gently... Your post expresses how much you've learned. You can take this learning right into whatever happens next... attuning to your situation as it is.

You might have a day where you feel certain things, and you can write them down, or review the SEP prompts and respond to just one day out of the whole matrix, "day" that feels right to you.

This is such a wonderful expression of your learning, and what you long for. Knowing this, your life will probably move this way over time.

I am happy that you've learned so much. If you're still not seen improvement after the whole SEP, you might consider other steps like a TMS coach or therapist. I hope you don't give up on the approach...

Andy B.