Day 9 Self criticism- My area of expertise

My self-critical list is long... way too long.

Some where along the way, I was instructed by someone, someplace (don't know when or where) that the only way to be better at life, was to constantly self-evaluate and to be self critical. I often wonder if I accidentally misunderstood at a young age that self evaluate meant self criticize? Well, too late now. Some damage has been done. Since I was about 12, and ran our Junior High Newspaper, I have tormented myself over details. I wasn't a straight A student, but wanted to be. I have tried very hard at everything I have ever done. Except taking care of myself.

The flip side of that issue has been the constant need to escape structure and convention, be a bit wild at unexpected times and do the completely unexpected thing as a sort of rebellion to my own perfectionism and idealism. Pretty messed up. Funny enough, I actually do like myself. I like my company and like how interact with the world.

I am coming to recognize lately that a strong sense of unrealistic idealism stemming from that self criticism habit, is very much the source of my back /life problems I do believe it impacts my back agonies and am starting to notice more triggers. When things don't work out as I envision them, I feel a strong sense of loss and agony. I am working on that in counseling and trying not paint pictures in my mind of ANYTHING in the future. Feel and live the NOW. This does not mean I won't pay my bills or help the kids with their college planning, just not have that image of what things will be like when "X" happens. A method I have of torturing myself.

This is no easy feat, but I consider it crucial for my success with my back pain, this program, life and love.

Thanks to all the wonderful people out there who care enough to support this process.

 

The more you use your awareness and catch yourself when you start to be self-critical and then stop doing it in the now, the more you will recondition this trait and learn how powerful self-compassion can be.
Use self-compassion every time you start to be self-critical ok. Do daily meditations in which you just focus on your breathing and while doing this say " I am calm and I completely love and accept myself.
Do this for 15 minutes in the morning and at night. After a while -- up this time to 30 minutes in the morning and at night. Your inner self needs to hear these words of comfort and love. You will thank me for this after a few sessions. Make the time for you and you will start to see a huge difference.
Thank you

 

Thank you Eric. I appreciate your words. In Jan, with the help of my Mother, I started doing guided imagery meditation twice per day for 26 minutes each. It was difficult at first, but I am slowly feeling the difference. Just an inner calm forming, slowly, that was not there before. I really don't want to take the time out every day to this twice per day, but I find I need twice per day to maintain myself, right now. Thank you again.

 

Yvette! I am your sister in the self-criticism world!! I keep doing this awareness work and these days, I am amazed at how deep the criticism goes and how often!! I was never fully aware of the chatter = like a bad radio station all day long! Since I've started being more aware, the pain is lessening and I can see how it recedes like the tide of an ocean… If I stay on the stress producing negative train ride, I end up in a train wreck and lots of pain. If I stop the train dead in its tracks and like Herbie suggests - say an affirmation instead, it keeps the anxiety and pressure from building. I've been doing the affirmations and meditations for awhile now and find that the words change in meaning and substance as I change with the acknowledgement and acceptance of what is. Looking forward to reading more of your posts!

 

Hello nowtime coach...Thanks for the feedback and support. Yes, meditation and affirmations help a lot. It is difficult at first, due to the pain and takes a mountain to move that. But it is working, slowly.