Day 9 Self Criticism

In response to todays assignment...Yes, I am very critical of myself. I have made so many big life mistakes (multiple times) and I feel like my opportunity to turn it around is gone. I never had any guidance on how "to do life", so instead I lived never thinking that I would be "one of those people" that late in life have nothing to show for themselves. Especially when I see my peers...I wonder how did they all get these basic life principles right? When I could not build the basic framework of a life that most people have? I know I have to forgive myself, but its hard to not see and feel daily all my mistakes that (now looking at them) have such big consequences that will never be rectified. I am a very straight forward person with everyone....including myself. I take accountability....I know I am to blame....and I am filled with regret for how my life turned out. I wish I would have known how to do this thing called life.

 

I don't have a perfect answer for you, but I want you to know you are not alone is your feelings. I too often feel the need to be perfect while simultaneously feeling as though everyone else around me has it right and I don't. I think like many things in life it's easier to recognize what you don't have right than what you do. Maybe it would be a good exercise to ponder some of the stuff you have accomplished in this life so far. Peace comes from gratitude towards oneself.

 

Beautiful conversation. Reading this I feel accepting of myself, my particulars. I think reading your entry, Satori it somehow dawns on me how common this feeling is, of not measuring up, and it is almost like a hypnosis. This inner deficiency-identity feels very real from the inside. I think it is fundamental to the human psyche. Yet, it is a belief system. From inside this, we never measure up. From outside this perspective there is just each person living their uniqueness. Are we really "less than" another?

I recommend Soul Without Shame by Byron Brown for a deep dive into this familiar inner experience of not being good enough.