Day 31 Seperation

My separation with my wife creates a lot of stress for me. We have 3 children and a house together. She ended our marriage because I have been dealing with tms for several years. I had surgery 2 years ago in the back. She ended up finding someone else and got separated from me. It is now 6 months ago. And we have gone back and forth between wanting her and later me. I still love her and want her back. I have some personality traits that are perfectionist, will be good, bad self-esteem. I feel powerless because I don't think I can handle it alone (poor self-esteem) I want to correct the mistakes I've made in my marriage (Perfetionist) I want to show her how good I am. I think I can do better as a father and as a husband. I feel bad about being with him all the time and at the same time give me hope to come back. I'm not usually jealous but I am in this case. I'm constantly thinking about what they're doing when they're together. I can easily see how my personality traits are expressed here. But I don't know what to do. I want my family back and I want her back.

 

You are in this program. I assume you have read some books. Journal. Feel. Get it all out, like you are doing here. Be honest with yourself. Go deeper. Then do it all again tomorrow. Focus inward as much as possible. When you find yourself thinking about them, can you be curious, oh, I wonder why I am spending my precious time imagining what someone else is doing? Can you refocus on something in your present moment? Can you go about being a good father? What does being a good father mean to you? You can do this.