Day 10 Slowly starting to make sense of it

I had sort of a break through today. I was sitting in a meeting, and a colleague did something that annoyed me. I could feel a flush of anger, but it didn’t carry me away. I kind of just sat entirely calmly feeling it burst out, allowed it to fully develop, and just observed it die away. Something like that has never happened to me before, it makes me really happy to realise that I have a much more resilient mind now. I am slowly staring to learn how to handle emotions. It did take much longer than I expected, but at least the improvement has been going steadily all the time.

I realised that part of what is holding me back is that I sort of believe that my psyche is broken and cannot be fixed. Or at least that it will be extremely hard. And that I never ever will be really mentally well like normal people. But I haven’t really been through that awful things; I mean, worse than most people; but still a lot of people had it much worse. Also, even though I have believed in the PPD diagnosis all the time, it is slowly starting to sink in that the pain and tiredness and other symptoms really are just unnecessary. I guess I think my psyche is so badly broken that my body has to be broken too, but that doesn’t make sense. The pain and tiredness are just there to distract me from my emotions, but my emotions are not dangerous.

 

@inga congrats on your progress! You are doing great!
Keep in mind it’s not the contest - whose childhood was more messed up. This is your life and your personality. No one lived your life except you and if you feel like there is something you need to work on, don’t look at others.
It’s not like we need to one up wit each other’s.
Sending you lots of warmth and hugs, keep it going! You got this!!!!