Day 22 Some wins, but still struggling | Question: The "base layer" hypothesis

TL;DR: Advice on this forum says to examine emotions when you experience pain. Yet my pain seems connected to offending activities, not emotions. And thanks to 22 days of the SEP, I've been experiencing and sitting with lots of emotions from journaling. Yet lumbar pain is as bad as ever. For people who have had pain for long periods (decade+), I'm assuming the answer is to plow ahead until you can chip away at the "base layer" of pain? Or something like that? I'd appreciate any guidance or advice.

Hi folks!
Made it to day 22, chugging along. I was able to do some minor upper body workouts without my neck/scalenes going crazy so I'm pretty hyped about that. Normally doing pushups wrecks me and while my neck still hurts, the "loudness" of the pain has gone way down. A big win!

The lumbar area, however, has been acting up in a major way. This is nothing new for me—it's been a problem for years. What's annoying is that what is triggering it is going for a walk. I mean, the lumbar hasn't been feeling great in general, but going for walks activates it something fierce (spasms). I've had a ton of tests done and don't have any structural damage. The pain also isn't sciatica-like (my pain never travels down the legs, no nerve damage, never stabbing). Feels very much like muscle pain. There was an entire section in the SEP about being scared of going for a walk, and I don't relate. I'm not scared of going for a walk. I'm going for a walk whether it hurts or not. But the pain just gets worse and worse the longer the walk.

What I'm struggling with is reading Sarno's books and this forum, which both say that when people have flare ups like I'm having, they should remind themselves that it's not actual damage and they need to look at their emotions (maybe do a "feeling inventory" as the SEP mentions). Checking in will make them realize they are sad/angry/whatever.

I fully accept there is no physical damage. And I am able to connect with emotions—I'm sad and angry about the helplessness and feeling disabled and debilitated. I've dug in pretty deep to reviewing past and current stressors and acknowledging them isn't having any impact on how the lumbar feels.

But my pain—both now and in the past—gets triggered by activity. There is not some underlying, repressed thing going on. My pain has been going so long that my day to day emotional life doesn't seem to be related to it. The offending activity is the trigger, not my emotional state.

My fiance's best shot at an explanation of this is that because I've been dealing with chronic pain for 20+ years, I need to keep doing the work of investigating (and, basically, "feeling") this pain to get down to a "base layer." To use the metaphor of a house, if someone is a hoarder, they have to clear out all of the junk they have accumulated before they can deep clean the floor. Her perspective is that at this point, my emotions are tied to the pain itself, which has derailed so many aspects of my life, not just the core stressors and events from childhood (which I continue to investigate and not find much trauma).

Do you all agree with this "base layer" theory? I'm going to obviously finish the SEP (my hard-ass personality type is the kind of person who sees things through lol), but the accounts in the program and the books don't seem to accord with any of my experience.

Apologies if I'm not wording this well, things are a bit of a struggle right now. Just thought I'd share in case anyone else had any perspectives to share.

—Edgerton

 

conditioning. You could win the lottery an you'd still have the symptoms until you undo the conditioning by using Sarno's instructions. I haven't ever done more than read the SEP a little when I have had flares, I go back to the text of HBP to the exclusion of all other newer 'tms' doctors

These are called 'perceived' emotions and have nothing to do with TMS or immediate symptoms, bar an occasional outlier

past and current stressors aren't the problem...the way you are tricking yourself into thinking you have them figured out is keeping the TMS preserved..it is way deeper than anything we can figure out. It is usually an elephant in the room...the partner we 'just adore' the job we Love, our kids we have nothing but warm feelings for, the responsibilities that are 'no problem' and we don't even think about them. Hiding in plain sight

Unconscious anger isn't math...it isn't figured out...it is postulated and experimented with theories and the more honest you are the less time it might take, but NO one knows what goes on down there..that is humbling and once that is digested and we stop trying to 'figure it out' then stuff starts to move...often quickly.

 

Hi Edgerton,
You don’t need the accounts to be like your experiences. You 100% have TMS. Everyone’s is different. But all cured the same. And it’s a process. Sometimes it takes a while. You’re doing good! Keep going! Best advice in the planet by @Baseball65 and @JanAtheCPA Can’t go wrong there.

 

No, it doesn't fit with my recovery experience. I had fibromyalgia for over 20 years, and yet my pain went away from doing TMS techniques like reading Sarno and journaling fairly quickly. I had migraines for over 50 years, and they went away in about a year of doing the recommended techniques. I don't think there is any correlation between how long one has TMS and how long it takes to recover.

 

Thanks, @Baseball65 . Really appreciate you taking the time to offer your thoughts. Your kindness here is honestly making me a little emotional (lol, what is happening here. I prefer life as an emotionless robot hahahaha!). But I do want the pain to go away so I will keep at it.

I haven't ever done more than read the SEP a little when I have had flares, I go back to the text of HBP to the exclusion of all other newer 'tms' doctors
Interesting. I first read HBP 15 years ago but taking in the information in the book feels pretty "light" compared to the journaling/inner work of the SEP.

These are called 'perceived' emotions and have nothing to do with TMS or immediate symptoms, bar an occasional outlier
Hmm. A quick google search says that "our perceived (conscious) emotions may increase pain we're already feeling, but only repressed emotions can cause pain." Interesting, will dig into this more.

past and current stressors aren't the problem...the way you are tricking yourself into thinking you have them figured out is keeping the TMS preserved..it is way deeper than anything we can figure out. It is usually an elephant in the room...the partner we 'just adore' the job we Love, our kids we have nothing but warm feelings for, the responsibilities that are 'no problem' and we don't even think about them. Hiding in plain sight
Any tips on uncovering the elephant in the room, what's hiding in plain sight?

Unconscious anger isn't math...it isn't figured out...it is postulated and experimented with theories and the more honest you are the less time it might take, but NO one knows what goes on down there..that is humbling and once that is digested and we stop trying to 'figure it out' then stuff starts to move...often quick.
Noted. I think I have some work to do move forward here, beause my instincts are to "keep trying" and "figure it out".

 

Ha, thanks. Will try to stay away from physical symptom stuff. I always kind of struggle to give myself credit, but I will find ways to do it. Appreciate you, @JanAtheCPA.

 

Thanks for your encouragement, @Diana-M.

 

Really good to hear of a positive example. Thank you, @Ellen.

 

Based on my own experience and over 10 years on this Forum,I think the length of time it takes to recover is most likely correlated with how long it takes us to get out of our own way. As @Baseball65 and @JanAtheCPA discuss above.

 

Wow!!! Something to really think about!

 

I wrote a post about this today. Maybe it will help. https://www.tmswiki.org/forum/threads/what-you-are-ignoring-could-kill-you.28619/ (What you are ignoring could kill you)