Day 1 Starting My Journey - post surgery

Hello! My name is Emily, and I’m beginning my work on healing from TMS - knowing that this is a journey and not a destination. I actually first heard about TMS a few years ago, but I don’t think I was ready to accept it as true and valid for me and everything I’ve been dealing with. I had somehow found this forum, but didn’t take the time to learn or do any reading and moved on with my life.

Now I’m here, sick and tired and completely over living life with chronic migraines, POTS, joint pain, neck and occipital pain, and lumbar pain. Those symptoms I’ve had for years, starting in the mid-2000s, around 2006 or 2007.

I’m also recovering from artificial disc replacement, having had surgery on October 9. I was actually beginning to accept TMS as the explanation for my symptoms when I had the surgery, but the MRI results and their corresponding symptoms appeared to be a valid “physical cause” (pain didn’t jump around, I was numb on one side for weeks before the MRI, without reflexes, neck stiffness for about a month before the MRI, and symptoms didn’t worsen after learning my neck was subluxed in two places and one of my discs was almost nonexistent). NOW, as I did my reading of John Sarno post-surgery, I readily accept that I very likely didn’t need surgery.

I have read Mindbody Prescription and Healing Back Pain post-surgery (I think I read three or four chapters of Mindbody Prescription a few days before surgery) and see myself on every page. I fit the profile: perfectionist, hard worker, a people pleaser putting others’ needs before my own, conscientious, very self critical and holding myself to impossible standards. Reading Sarno’s work and seeing how his work has influenced other medical practitioners who have only confirmed what he discovered and learned helped me accept internally that TMS is real, and that TMS is the reason behind my chronic issues - including the symptoms I chose to treat with surgery.

I am working on not beating myself up for having a surgery that I now know I didn’t need. I’m trying hard not to feel guilty that if I had just read more, sooner, I’d have not had surgery. Since I cannot undo the past, I’m trying to find ways to be kind to myself and understand that my recovery may go better since I’m taking this time post-surgery to learn and do the work. My most tangible goal is to recover well from surgery without complications, and do TMS healing work as part of my healing work. I’ve already noticed a decrease in my POTS symptoms, and my persistent forehead pain is also gone, along with knee pain that I’ve endured for years. My bilateral hip pain is much less than it’s ever been. All of that has improved simply from reading those two books. I will continue to read and educate myself, but I was ready to jump in and do active TMS healing work, starting with this course, so that I can “build my toolbox” so to speak.

I don’t really have any fears when it comes to doing this work, at least none that come to mind. I don’t have any doubts. The main thing I feel bad about is that I just had surgery that I now know was unnecessary. I’ve never had any other surgeries. This is my first. I’m hoping that I didn’t introduce future complications just by having surgery. I want to think in a positive way regarding the surgery, that yes I had it, no I didn’t need it, but since I did have it, hopefully by implementing TMS work so soon after surgery, the recovery doesn’t take as long as it would normally, and any pain that I experience while I heal physically can be addressed by accepting TMS as the cause and implementing what I’m learning. I’m also nervous that I won’t be as accepted in the TMS community because I literally had surgery two weeks ago, and now I’m accepting that I didn’t need it and fully believe TMS is behind my chronic symptoms.

Has anyone else begun their TMS journey so soon after surgery they learned was unnecessary? If so, how did that go for you? I did just have C5-C7 disc replacement, so am I right in following my doctor’s restrictions during my recovery? No lifting more than 5 lbs yet, no driving, very light physical activity, etc. I don’t want to live in fear of my symptoms anymore, at all, but I’m wondering if this case is different since I just had major spine surgery. I’ve been taking muscle relaxers post surgery - would I talk to my doctor about stopping them, or should I just stop taking them now that I know I didn’t need the surgery? I basically don’t want to screw up my recovery and actually injure myself, and I don’t want to mess up my TMS work by doing unnecessary recovery that might not be needed. I hope that makes sense.

I wish I had taken the time to read and learn about TMS years ago, but I’m learning about it now, and doing my best to be kind to myself and understand that it’s acceptable and ok that I’m only just now doing this healing work.

Thanks for taking the time to read, and I look forward to learning more and continuing to heal!

 

Don’t beat yourself up!
A good friend had disc replacement surgery. She may or may not have known about TMS but she knew her chronic depression didn’t help. As a psychologist, she had years of therapy and medication to help her mental health (more recent medications did help, the most) - and was an early disc replacement recipient. She had 20 mostly pain free years - not totally pain free, she’s human.. but managed well along with constantly “ doing the work”. Who knows what helped her the most, but together, in combination these things worked well in her case.

 

Thank you for your compassionate response! Prior to surgery, I had little feeling and no reflexes on the right side of my body. When I woke up in the recovery room, I noticed pressure in my head that I lived with for so long was gone, and I had tactile sensations back on the right side of my body. My right side felt things as clearly as my left side did. I realized that even in the fog of post-surgery. So I would like to think that I at least helped something in my body with the surgery, that it wasn’t placebo, and am now trekking along with TMS. Maybe it will help speed up my convalescing post-surgery, who knows. I learned about David Hanscom’s book and am starting that today. I’m interested in his insights as a spinal surgeon since I just had spinal surgery.

I think much of my TMS journey is going to be accepting myself in my present state, and accepting that others accept me as I am as well. I’m not used to that - I’m used to people around me being kind, but also being quick to criticize how I do things and how I can improve myself or how I do things, etc. I have thoughts that people in this group will tell me I messed up by having surgery, or I did the wrong thing. I know it’s illogical and based on conditioning in my brain, but I’m willing to get used to people genuinely accepting me as I am, without being automatically critical of my choices.

Thank you for your response! It’s greatly encouraging to me!

 

The film Love Heals about a patient of Dr. Hanscom’s is beautiful. You might enjoy it. It helped both my husband better understand TMS, and helped me immensely.