Day 1 Starting overish

So I have been a success story already. A few years ago I had hand pain "caused" by using a computer too much. The pain did not fade for probably 8 months, reading the mind body book didn't help but got me interested, what really helped was following this program and writing posts here, my pain faded before I went halfway through this program. I have had flare ups every once in awhile since, but I would just do one or two more days of this program and take it easy on my hands and it would go away again.

Once my pain faded the first time, I used a computer as much as I wanted without worrying about it. The first time I truly felt fear was when I started grad school. I was writing on paper, which is not an action I had done a lot while out of school. My pain was getting more intense, and I could not take a break because I had to take notes in class and get my work done. My brain used this new action of writing on paper to attack me, even though it didn't make any sense that my hands would hurt from that, when I could use a computer all the time. My fear of having too much hand pain and dropping out of school because of it I believe was the cause. In any case, I just started journaling in here again, it took me just a bit longer than usual but my pain again faded in a week or so. That was the first time I felt very confident that I really was in control of my TMS, because I faced a new "cause" of pain and defeated it.

So I had a great year of school (until coronavirus), had summer break, now I'm back in my second year. Every once in awhile I am stricken with tendonitis, which I also think could be TMS, and a few times it has lasted a month, which is extremely debilitating for my fitness goals as I can't lift a ton of weight or straighten my arms, however it does not affect my computer use and thus my ability to do school and other responsibilities (most of modern society does not require physical work if you don't have a labor job). A couple weeks ago I was starting to feel tendonitis again, it was annoying and I worried about the fact that I keep getting it every once in awhile, well, whatever, I just gotta keep going. To my surprise it actually faded really fast and I didn't go on a weeks long adventure of being really pissed off at my arms as usual. This was cool, but right when it faded, about a week ago, I was playing videogames and out of nowhere, bam my right index finger starting to have lightning shooting through it, which is by far my least favorite TMS pain sensation and I hadn't felt that in years.

The pain has lasted for a week or maybe a week and a half now. It has gotten less intense than when it first popped up out of nowhere, but I have been following along Pain recovery program, but it seems to not be working or its taking longer than normal. I have not taken a full day of rest for my hands which I normally do, so I wonder if that plays into it, like it's easier for me to accept TMS if I start from a non-hand-aggravated state.

Some TMS signs: My left hand also started to have a lesser pain sensation at the same time, that perfectly mirrors my right hand, which is such a ridiculous coincidence that I can't believe it, especially because I don't use a mouse with my left hand. I have been playing some games with my right hand where I use my middle finger and index finger at the same time for the left mouse button, and I can do that waay longer than if I just use my index finger which makes a little sense but not that much sense. My finger also hurts way more when I am doing schoolwork than playing videogames, I think because I care way more about getting my work done than playing games at the moment. Also, it kinda mirrors how my pain started right as I started grad school, yeah it's a couple months in to school again but really it's the beginning of a new school year basically. I think a big part is thesis deadlines are getting closer, and I really really want to be working on my thesis every day, and I'm fearing the pain preventing me from doing this.

Anyone have advice for me? Someone who has defeated their pain but had it come back and having more trouble shaking it than usual? I'm posting here and I'm going to start this program again. Maybe just having other people read my thoughts is helpful, and I haven't posted publicly yet this time.

 

Hey there! I had pain before and recovered, about five years ago. I had pretty intense back pain that lasted about two years and recovered. This year I've spent the better part of the year concerned about my knees and toe- my toe which was in excruciating pain. And then last week when it had always been my right knee hurting, my left starting to disturb me as well.

I get it! Doesn't change the fact that it's TMS, which I'm starting to figure out now. Last time I recovered in 18 days, but I remember back then I wholeheartedly accepted TMS as the cause. Also, my toe healed miraculously; I have no problem believing that, but I have seen so many MRIs of my knee and explanations of my feet that check out that I;m having trouble with unbelief, which is crazy if I think about it as the toe was the worst of them all. However, I used to be there with my toe and that got better, so I'll keep the faith that I'll accept the diagnosis soon.

This statement: "I think a big part is thesis deadlines are getting closer, and I really really want to be working on my thesis every day, and I'm fearing the pain preventing me from doing this."

Fear of the symptoms perpetuates the problem. Keep doing the TMS work, as I am, perhaps pick up the 'Great pain deception" and read that too. I was starting to doubt the diagnosis and read his story and was like oh my goodness- ALL THAT WAS TMS?? Testimonies will keep your spirits up. Don't worry; we'll get there! Even though trying not to worry and repressing everything got us here. But we'll get there! Keep on the work. Our brains are wild!