Starting the program

Day 1
Last week, I read Healing Back Pain, read through the TMS wiki, and watched a bunch of videos online. I'm convinced that the pain I've been dealing with on and off for the past 10 years (and pretty much on all the time for the past 2-3 years) is due to TMS. Especially after reading the book and Alan Gordon's Recovery Program, I already started to feel better -- less pain in general, and more of an ability to deal with the pain when it did arise. But today the pain is more insistent, and I can feel myself slide back into my old habits of trying desperately to make adjustments to my posture, how I sit, stretching, etc. But I know where it's coming from -- I had a hard weekend emotionally, and the past couple of days have been challenging emotionally and psychologically for a number of reasons, and in general I feel myself sliding or spiraling, and I know that this is why the pain is back. It's my subconscious trying to distract (or protect?) me from the emotional pain. I know this, I'm convinced of it, but the physical reality of the pain is really hard to put aside, and the force of habit is really strong.

What would a life without TMS mean to you? Apart from not having to deal with the pain, and all of the various adjustments and equipment etc that I've had to add to my life because of the pain (pillows, massagers, creams, drugs, laptop stands, etc), it would more importantly mean that I had worked through these emotional and psychological knots, at least to some degree. That I would have addressed these painful emotional and psychological issues that I can tell are holding me back.

 

Mmmm... I kept the lovely office chair, but the armrests, pillows, straps, wheelchair, and all the other stuff - gone!
Just keep keeping on !!!

 

I feel the same way, Plumfull. I think that knowing that I've addressed the painful emotional and psychological issues and hopefully come up with a more honest real present strategy for living my life will be as big a win as being released from the pain.
To be free in my head will be the ultimate freedom.