Day 1 Starting this journey after 12 years

So, first of all: hey my name is Jay and this is my first post. English isn’t my first language and i’m not used in writing in it, so feel free to tell me if my writing is all over the place!

To start with a bit of my backstory: This whole thing started when i turned 13 with severe stomach pains, other gastrointestinal symptoms like cramping, bloating, constipation, diarrhea. After months of nearly weekly doctor visits and constantly being diagnosed with the stomach flu, my doctor checked me for allergies and food intolerances and back came a whole list, which only grew through the years. Right now main my symptoms include migraines, IBS, several allergies and food intolerances, weak immune system, tinnitus, chronic fatigue symptom, dizziness, tension headaches, migraines, whole body aches and bad period cramps.

I could go on but the post would get too long. I’ve been researching TMS for several weeks now, going through tons of videos, posts, podcasts and i started reading Dr. Sarnos „The divided mind“. I definetly see myself in the things he describes and i’m pretty sure it’s TMS (recent proof of this is that i just spent nearly half an hour going through the first day posts, just so that i would make no mistake writing this post, yes i see the irony and that i started writing this yesterday before bed and got so agitated about it and some other heavy stuff that happened recently, that i only managed to sleep for 2 hours).

My main problems why i struggle with this diagnosis is because i’m scared i that i’m doing the wrong things or not enough so it won’t work. I kind of feel that all my years of suffering through these symptoms, being bedbound spending 8 years of my life in therapy and all the suffering i caused my family by being ill were for nothing, i fit really is TMS, especially since i’ve seen a lot of different therapists and tried a variety of approaches, like daily meditation, journalling, breathing exercises and so on.

So yeah, i feel like i could write a lot more but i'm stopping here, since i know it's just my perfectionism trying to be as accurate as possible. Still i'm hopeful about this journey and excited to gain other perspectives about my circumstances!