Struggling with perfectionism

My personality trait of perfectionism makes me feel overwhelmed. I try to be as good as I can in everything I do. I don’t like to half a** projects or anything I do, whether it be at work or school or personal life, I don’t get a good sense of completion or satisfaction if I don’t put 100% of myself into it. I don’t feel as gratified or as fulfilled. I need to know I gave something everything I could. I have a strong desire to uphold my morals and character. I have a strong work ethic. I like to feel successful and accomplished. But I am learning that there are sacrifices to this type of trait. I often use it as a means to distract myself from underlying emotions or feelings that may be trying to resurface that may be unpleasant or uncomfortable. I admit that I have ignored my own needs by trying to be perfect in what I do…if I am so focused on a task or activity, I don’t have to think about what’s going on inside of me. That’s too much work first of all. And second of all, that could get messy and unpleasant. Who wants to deal with that?

I am learning, though, to recognize hidden emotions and feelings, and to give them more attention. Self talk. Tell myself that I am ok and that I am safe. I grew up most of my childhood not feeling safe. I felt insecure, unsure, fearful and anxious. These feelings never fully left, and often there are triggers that bring them out again (social settings, new people, being put on the spot, speaking up, etc). I feel that if I perform things perfectly and well, then no one, not even myself, will notice my emotional insecurities.. I can hide them more easily.

 

This rings a lot of bells with me - I have prided myself on my perfectionism, my work ethic and my high standards. "Well someone has got to have standards around here!". But hand in hand with that goes rampant judgmentalism of myself and others, so pervasive I'm often not aware of it. Your awareness of all ths is very positive. Yes, you are OK and you are safe exactly where you are now. That's what I'm learning too.

 

Hi! I can recommend "The gifts of imperfection" by Brene Brown. It has helped me a lot with perfectionism. Lots of love!!

 

Thank you for your kind words. It’s nice not to feel alone. ❤️

 

I will check this out. Thank you!