Day 1 "Stuck"

Hello. I've tried a lot of TMS tools for a couple of years but I feel "stuck." I'm not sure if I should just give up doing anything special for TMS recovery, or if should keep searching for another way to recover.

 

Dear Jan. Thank you very much for your reply. I appreciate it. Just a little background on my situation, I first read Healing Back Pain in 1997 for a chronic symptom. That symptom took years to resolve, but it was replaced by another symptom that also lasted years (symptom imperative), and then another symptom, and so on. A few years ago my 1997 symptom came back, and I knew right away it was TMS. I saw a renowned TMS physician in Los Angeles and he diagnosed me with TMS. Since then, I have done the following:

-Read and reread dozens of the most popular TMS and mindbody books
-Completed several online courses for TMS
-Journaling
-Meditation
-Somatic tracking
-Psychotherapy, first with a LCSW, then with a TMS pain psychologist
-EMDR
-Vigorous exercise
-Affirmations
-Breathwork

Despite all this work, it is still possible that I have not opened myself up to emotional vulnerability. I don't know. It's possible though. I will work on that! Thank you and take care.

 

What have you done about anger? Where have you allowed the rage to fester to the top? Have you used the conscious anger as a tool in situations and symptom awareness?
I haven't done any of the stuff on your list...and I started around the same time as you...I also have had pretty good results and been painfree 99 percent of the time. Not bragging or trying to bum you out, but my list of activities is very different

 

In addition to deeper emotional issues (unresolved inner conflict, unprocessed trauma, repression mode etc.), another roadblock to consider is the role of doubt. This is not an emotional category but it can produce a great deal of fear. Is it possible that you harbor certain ideas about your symptoms being structural, or that your profile is somehow "different" , or that there is something about you that would preclude you from getting better (a common one is "I'm too anxious to heal"). If your symptoms are constant, it's a tell tale sign of doubt and reflects the recurring thoughts you may be having. Something to ponder imo.

 

Thank you so much, Jan, for taking the time to help me. I like Nicole a lot, and did her online program a while ago. Eventually I stopped journaling, but maybe I quit too early. I will try it again. And I will do the other things you suggest. Take care.

 

Dear Baseball65. Thank you for your message. I've tried journaling, for example the 'rage on the page' method. Then I quit, maybe too early. I was raised to be well behaved and responsible. But about once a month, something happens in my life, and I feel really intense anger rise up inside me. I feel like I'm heating up and I just want to smash something. I don't smash anything. But I guess these moments show there is some hidden anger inside me. I'll work on that. Take care.

 

Dear Miffybunny. Thank you for your message. I do have doubts that I am different, either physically or emotionally. Especially when I hear about success stories. On one hand I am encouraged by success stories. But then I also think to myself, that person is just better at TMS than I am, and that's why I'm still 'stuck.' I will work on this doubt. Thank you. Take care.

 

It sounds like this is the area you need to work on first and foremost. Eradicate the doubt that you are different. It's a level playing field. No one is better than anyone else. Examine where this false belief stems from because it's a lie. Decide you're going to get better. From there, look into how you are treating yourself and talking to yourself all day long. Is it sending messages of danger to the brain? Is the voice of the inner critic strong? Sounds like it is because comparison is just a form of self judgment. If I had to guess, it's this inner war that is driving symptoms.

 

I smash things. I have gone shooting and destroyed furniture with a shotgun. I have driven in my car and gone completely apeshit insane like the '5 minute hate' in Orwells 1984. I have only scribbled in the Mornings when I am doing detective work, though I don't really know 'how' the process works..not really sure about repressed anger, cause it's unconscious, but Sarno said by responding the way I have I am sending a message to my unconscious that I know what it is doing, and he must be right because the pain stops.

I especially use the therapy of 'turning your mind to a recurrent source of anger' that he recommends on pg 71, I believe?

I watched that John Stossel video on TMS right before I read Sarno, so seeing someone I respect and like freaking out made it more OK for me.

We used to be sent to fight wars. We used to have to struggle harder just to exist...this can be really hard on Men who are now supposed to be 'civilized'.

 

Jan mentioned the webinars with Alan Gordon...I can't recommend the July 21 2012 one enough if anger is challenging for you to feel and express. It has been for me as well, until recently. Listening to Alan walk Dustin into and through some deep "unacceptable" rage was a game changer for me. Also, journalling can be really helpful but you have to keep going until you find yourself scribbling out the worst things you can possibly imagine writing, the things you couldn't fathom ever being inside you. The unacceptable. It can be really challenging getting to that point, letting it all bubble up to the surface but the act of releasing is the catharsis and way out of pain. Sometimes I feel like it's a bottomless spring I've uncovered! I think this is where Sarno's insight is helpful and necessary: counterbalancing the rage with "soothing elements in one's life". Coming up for air, so to speak.
Nicole Sachs has a lot of great insight and support for self care as well.

Our Beloved Grand Eagles share so much wisdom and insight! I just wanted to jump in to acknowledge that their guidance is gold!

 

Dear Ahri. Thank you very much for encouraging me to do this work. I needed to hear this. I will definitely do these things. Take care.

 

It’s worth noting Nichole has never stopped journaling.
For most folks with TmS it is essential to find a spot where your self care continues to manage your stress levels and nervous system.

 

Dear Cactusflower. That is a great point. I will start journaling again, not so much putting pressure on myself to recover, but instead to just take care of myself. Thank you.

 

This is wonderful news @RidgeParkRoad - there are so many ways to take care of yourself and it is a challenge to see how many ways that self-pressure and frustration can sneak in. One day at a time!