Day 26 talking to my parents

I speak to my parents every week, but we usually keep it pretty superficial. I mentioned this in the beginning, but my family has always been reserved with our emotions. Typical Northeasters- Don't show much emotion in public, or even at home.
My parents moved from MA to VA 5 years ago, and my mother has been depressed ever since. My siblings and I all thought it was a bad idea, and while my father is happy there, my mother hates it. I don't know if she would like it anywhere else though. She is in a spiral of being crabby about where she lives and not having any friends, which scares off any potential new friends.
My parents have brought it up to me and my siblings, and we all are terrible at talking about it in the open. My parents are starting to bring it up more in phone calls, and I find myself just ignoring it. Which is shitty. I think there is an unconscious feeling of- well, we didn't talk about all the crap I was going through when I lived at home as a teenager, so why should I talk about your problems? I am also just not used to talking about hard, emotional things with my parents, so it feels uncomfortable. I should challenge myself to start that dialogue. I need to remember, I don't need to solve this problem, it isn't my responsibility, but I should be a good listener, and be kind to them.

For the past week or so, I have been slacking on the educational program. I think there is some frustration, that my pain has stuck around, and even feels worse than when there was some initial improvement. I am trying to continue to hold myself accountable, which is maybe too judgemental. I think it should be more of staying true to the idea of being kind to myself and continuing to work on myself so that I am happier and healthier.

 

I totally understand where you are at! Being 1st/2nd generation British, there is no way we spoke of certain emotions in our household and I was very specifically in charge of managing my parents.
It sounds like you still feel like you “should” be in charge? Sounds like this is really business between your parents. They chose to move, right? Luckily my Mom (narcissist, but on the sly) was ok with her living locations but moved several hours away by choice and expected everyone to drop what they were doing to go to her and complains when that can’t happen.. well in her own way she can never be happy. Many times it was suggested she seek therapy but narcissists and therapy are like opposing magnets.
Although I have never been great at dealing with this, my sister is excellent and is very business like with my Mom - great boundaries!
“I’m sorry you are feeling this way, I hope you can find an answer” is a great way to deal with this. You don’t need to solve your parents problems. There are answers to help your Mom’s situation but she’s not choosing them.. that’s her deal.
You’ve kind of laced this message with “shoulds” that you should learn to have hard conversations about emotions.. how about starting at the beginning and just allowing the emotions in yourself? Getting used to them in your body and taking the pressure off yourself to do it for someone else: to please them and solve their problems? After all, they didn’t teach you the skills which why you are here. Now you are taking responsibility for yourself ( and I do believe that procrastination can be a TMS trait) and dealing with your own emotional awareness - why does that excuse your parents from being responsible for their own emotional well being?
Lastly, all of this must deep down surely piss you off! Being the last in line of generational dysfunction is enraging!