Day 16 Talking to people about TMS

Initially every second person that I met would be hearing about TMS and what I know think and believe, and how it's changed my view on the world.

Now, I'm more selective.

Are they open to it? Are they leading with the right questions? How are their questions making me feel?

Especially the last one. If their questions are making me feel irritated or annoyed, I won't go much into detail about personal revelations. I may keep it more superficial or theoretic and not really bring in my own experiences or try to relate these theories with problems they have. I present the fundamentals and then presumably leave it up to them to figure out on their own if they wish to.

If their questions are more curious, more gentle, and I feel calm and more inclined to think they may relate to my personal experiences, I will open up more and say more.

I totally get why Dr. Sarno began screening patients before the TMS lectures on the basis of how open they would be to accepting the diagnosis.
To me, initially it was so obvious. Why wouldn't someone understand this? Why wouldn't someone believe that this was a possibility?
Especially with someone like my dad, it's easy for him to believe that TMS applies to me. But god forbid I suggest some of his issues could be TMS linked. Me? No way! I'm fine! I have all these (insert physical symptoms)

The struggle is more difficult with people I'm closer to, namely the example with my dad that I've given above.

With my mum too, I've learned to not share too much about more personal revelations, because she finds it difficult to understand it from my pov or she can also say that the particular story that I'm mentioning doesn't seem that relevant or significant. Which promptly irritates me, because how are you to judge what is significant to me or not?
So I tend to keep these personal revelations to myself, with regards to speaking to my mum about it.
Which is sometimes tough because there are some people who you chat to regularly, who you can just run your mouth with and just openly chat about things. Who will not give you solutions or advice or their opinions but merely just listen and interject with 'hmms' or 'yea that's cools'

These are the people I am more open with sharing about my experiences with TMS.
No solutions.
No 'this is how I deal with this and maybe you should follow it'
No unsolicited advice.
Just plain ol listening

This seems kind of ironic because I often find myself being the unsolicited advice giver in recent times because I'm so eager to share the information that I have now learned, or am in the process of learning.

Thoughts on how to navigate these situations? Or be more tactful/aware?
I feel like my focus should be as I mentioned above - Ok is this conversation going to drain me and make me feel frustrated or is it going to feel good for both parties?

Another approach I feel is to just depersonalise things.
Why do I take what someone else says as an attack towards me?
Why do interpret information, actions of other people as attacks on me?
How can I look at a situation independent of my own feelings and perspectives?

I feel like this approach of not taking things personally will release me.
Not everything is about me.
Not everything requires an interjection in the frame of, 'oh but for me, this is how it is'
Sometimes (most of the time) things can just be what they are and that's alright.

 

I wish I had advice here—for both of us. TMS is such a tricky topic. I find most people aren’t willing to listen to a word of it. It almost seems like a waste of time to try. I think if people are interested in it for themselves, they will gravitate toward it like we have. Maybe protect yourself and only share with truly interested people? (You can always share insights with us!)

Do you have any ideas on what to do if people want you to pursue more Western medicine because they don’t believe in TMS. How do you shut down these conversations?

 

Agreed. I think this is the best way to go about it. Thank god for you guys and this forum!

Well that's a tough one. Are they close family members who you can't avoid on a daily basis or people you meet less often who are offering you their advice?
If it's the latter, then good riddance in my opinion. Just nod your head, in through one ear out through the other. TMS understanding isn't for everyone and it's not your burden to carry.
Maybe try saying, you have your views and I respect them, but I have my beliefs and perspectives on my own personal journey and it's upto me to decide what action I wish to take.
Simplest way to shut it down would be saying it's not something you want to discuss or not something you want inputs on.
(these are like the most basic conversation techniques, this is probably something anyone would use in a conversation that they don't really want to have, just my two pence lmao)

From what you said above, to me it sounds like you're carrying the responsibility for controlling something that's not in your control. I struggle with this too, feel like its a TMS personality thing. You can't really do much if someone thinks a certain way. Sure you can try, but if it's draining you and causing you stress then is it even worth it? Give them time I guess.

I'm reminded of an amusing proverb.

“Not my circus, not my monkeys” is a Polish proverb that means you don't want to be involved in someone else's problems or drama. It's often used to express that you're not responsible for a situation or that you don't want to get involved. For example, you might say "Not my circus, not my monkey. Sorry. Next topic".

 

I've come to realize you can't really convince everyone even though you really want to help. There's this one person I used to follow on social media who frequently talks about their health issues. I've seen them cycle through unexplained pain from feeling cool air on skin, anxiety, migraines, and earlier this year they've shared that they've been having chronic pain for months. I saw some of myself in this person and reached out because I could see it was bothering them. I recommended Dr. Sarno's book. They thanked me for the suggestion, however, they began cycling through doctors, physical therapists, chiropractors, injections, in the next few months. I think sometimes it takes a bit for something like this to sink in, going through medical doctors, before you really hit a point where you're like, well nothing is helping me, these doctors are giving me all kinds of weird diagnosis - I will give this a go because what do I have to lose?

In my case, that's what happened - I was tired of doctors, scans, and diagnosis, and deep down my intuition was telling me that this ran deeper and made no sense from the beginning to go through all this (random "injury" from a workout).

 

This has been my experience. If people want it, they will take the ball and run with it (and that happens very rarely).

Initially, if someone I know complains about their symptoms to me, I might share the amazing experience I've had with this. But ONLY if they seem like a person who is open to it. If they don't seem interested, I never bring it up again. I bite my tongue and try to listen empathetically to their symptoms.

I think until a large percentage of doctors and the media embrace this approach, it's difficult to persuade anyone who's skeptical. It's really only for people who are ready and really want it. Because it is NOT the easy path.

 

I've shut down a few conversations like that by saying that if they can suggest a Western medicine treatment that doesn't have the risk of irritating or debilitating or damaging side effects, I might consider taking it. (So far nobody's come up with anything!) Some people then go on to suggest physiotherapy instead, and with that I shut them up by telling them about how doing physio exercises that were 'prescribed' for me made me bedridden for over 7 months.

 

isn’t this the truth?! It is Not the easy path, but it’s the Only path. Because we know what’s causing our symptoms. I guess the hard pill to swallow is that it’s happening at all. But whining about it doesn’t fix a thing.

Yikes! That’s terrible! It’s really sad we have to be put through even more troubles looking for the answer.

 

Hi @invincible
Thanks for your response! Good one!

Done and done! Getting people out these days, for all sorts of reasons. It’s one good way to make the pain stop. I’m learning that I have put up with too much, typically.

Haha! I’ve always loved this saying. Didn’t know it’s Polish. Soooo true! Not mine. Let people feel what they may about my business. I can detach from it. That’s a huge lesson I’m grappling with right now, and I have a suspicion it will contribute to my recovery when I get this right!