The first week...

Hi everyone,
Well, what a first week this has been. I have tried unsuccessfully at each stage to sign up to the thread (computer issues) which made me both sad and angry - the perfectionist in me wants to do the SEP perfectly, every day and get 100% results, so needless to say every button was pushed this week. The pain flared up even harder than before, my temperament was less than pleasant and the tears flowed... all because I couldn't sign up to the forum at the suggested time, doh!

So today for me is day 7 - and after watching the video about trying too hard and getting balance, I took it to heart, tried signing up with another email and voila - like magic I can now post, phew! I am so relieved to be part of the forum as I was feeling lost reading about others, now I can interact too!

I came across TMS about 2 weeks ago, I was off work with a 4-day migraine, extreme exhaustion and depression. I was thinking I needed to do something, it has been years I have had all these symptoms (and more) and so far all the doctors, consultants and therapists I had seen showed me the structural damage to my neck and knees; diagnosed gout, depression and migraines; put me on a list for potential epilepsy (nothing on the scans to show this) took me off the list... They put the pain in my joints, back, wrists, jaw etc. as either having to live with it or having to learn how to manage pain and stress. I was on a lot of medication as you can imagine, not being one for tablets this had really gotten me down.

So there I was lying down on the couch feeling awful, alone and a sense of 'there has to be something more I can do' when I opened the book "Your body speaks your mind" by Debs Shapiro. It's a book I have been using for almost 10 years as I have always felt there is a connection between the body and the mind and I love the mond/body dialogue but never quite got it right. Anyhow, on a page I must have thumbed past hundreds of times and missed, she mentioned TMS. I googled and up came the TMS wiki - sooooo grateful.

Almost instantly I recognised and resonated with so much. On reading Alan Gordon's bits and his recovery programme I knew in every part of my being this was right for me and I had to try.

I did week 0 and drank in everything, it has made so much sense and was super excited to get to the journalling bits (about2 years ago I wrote my own booklet on how journaling helped me for depression).

Week 1 has been a journey and much more intense than week 0. I have found although I am journalling, writing up the lists etc. I am tending to write out a feeling then try and pacify it by buying pretty rainbow folders to put the material in! I'm overly harsh on myself (always have been since childhood) and wanting to just be free of this all - it's like I'm throwing a pity party for one!

There is so much for me to get my head around and so much to learn, but so far the somatic tracking and cognitive soothing have been wonderful tools to practice and hope I get the hang of them soon. I particularly enjoyed the meditative practice yesterday and look forward to more of that.

So although I didn't post on the forum at the right points in week one, i think ok with that I had to use my rest day today to try one more time to get on the forum and am so glad I did, for the rest of the day, I am relaxing, cleaning and making some space to read a novel!

I look forward to reading more stories, posts and updates in the coming weeks.

 

Welcome to the forum Cherrybug. I love the way that name feels as I say it, it’s pleasing.

While initially frustrating, your experience highlights exactly why I encourage people to post here and not watch from the sidelines. You need to be in the arena, with all the vulnerabilities and glories it inspires.

Mostly though, over time interacting lifts different aspects of ourselves while provoking others. It’s a brilliant way to learn about tendencies that we may not always be aware of or realise how powerfully they affect us.

I’m glad it finally worked for you and that you’ve taken the leap. Healing isn’t an impossible dream. It’s an everyday miracle we see here often.

To your healing sweetheart,

Plum x

 

Welcome to the forum, Cherrybug! Isn't it funny how things pop out into our awareness at unexpected times???! When the student is ready, the teacher appears..! I am on Day 21 and I have found posting (and the helpful and supportive feedback that it brings), along with acknowledging shared experiences with others (and cheering them on) has taken me to the vulnerabilities and glories Plum mentioned above. This is such a safe place to be vulnerable, I have found so far. It reminds me of a song I used to love back when I was a church-goer: "Be not afraid. I go before you always. Come, follow me... and I will give you rest." May this forum and the Sat live chats feel that way for you, too! Lainey

 

Hello PLum, thank you for such a warm welcome and wise, inspiring words! I love the thought of everyday miracles and firmly believe a miracle is a shift in perspective ! I feel a little less lost and whole lot more supported, thank you

 

Hi Lainey,
How beautiful, thank you! I love a bit of serendipity too ! Certainly feeling like I can share more now too which is a huge relief!
Here's to many more years of pain-free living for you too Thank you for such a lovely welcome!

 

This is beautiful.