Day 8 the preoccupation is strong with this one

Working the program for a chronic fatigue manifestation of TMS.

One of my symptoms, eye fatigue, went away completely when I started day 1. Prior to that I could barely read for more than 20 minutes on my computer. It's popped up again in the last few days, but I keep trying to remind myself that this is TMS and won't last.

My general fatigue is a little better too. I have little periods throughout the day when I have a lot of energy. I have no problem taking long walks now. Things like grocery shopping are still a little taxing though. I tend to feel unwell afterwards.

Keeping my mind off my symptoms is really hard, especially when they get worse. I have a lot of doubts about TMS when I get tired and my mind starts to wander to "maybe there something truly is wrong with me. what if this TMS stuff is all bullshit and won't lead to anything." It's going to be a hard habit to break when I've been so preoccupied with my body for almost 6 years.There's a direct correlation between my mood and my level of fatigue. Mindfulness helps, and I've been meditating 30 minutes before bed. I accept whatever emotions or thoughts or sensations come up, which I've found to be very effective. I used to meditate to quiet my mind but I realized this is not what meditation is about. I feel like I'm getting the right mindset about it.

I do have a lot of rage inside of me. I'm typically uncomfortable in social situations to one extent or another, and I try really hard to be accepted or not do anything that might be perceived as wrong or inappropriate. Even as I'm writing this post, I'm carefully selecting my words so my audience doesn't think less of me. Feels good to admit that though. I beat myself up if I was too quiet in a social gathering or if I said the wrong thing. And when I think back on awkward social moments I have these strange outbursts where I'm compelled to just blurt something out very inappropriate, sometimes violent. I think I'm unconsciously angry at everyone who has made me feel uncomfortable with myself or bad about myself, even though I consciously understand it's not their fault. I've tried really hard to be liked over the years. I have this ideal of what a good guy is supposed to do and what kind of thoughts and attitudes he is supposed to have and I've often beaten myself up over not having those. Wow this is turning into a therapy session. Anyways...

One of the biggest things about TMS that I am struggling with is that you're supposed to do activities you want to do despite your symptoms. But with fatigue, I always feel worse if I overdo something. I can't just ignore it and go run a mile. I don't know if this is even fear, it's just knowing that this is what happens. Maybe some of it is fear but it's also just knowing from experience that A leads to B. I guess I should take a gradual approach. As I work through the program, and my symptoms get a little better, and I stop caring about them as much, I'll slowly increase my activity. If anyone has any insight on this I'd love to hear it.

 

Oh wow JanA
This makes sense to me the last day I experienced an intensity of my symptoms, intense pelvic pressure and fatigue (correlating with a stressful extended family visit), was around Day 7-10 and after that they have reduced by about 60-70% I'd say.
... interesting

 

You're absolutely right Jan! I've been thinking of doing that myself. I'm having trouble finding a way to do that though. Could you help?