Day 32 The reaction to mistakes

The last time I made a mistake was today. I yelled at my sister for not taking more personal responsibility in her life. How did that feel? Terrible. Every time I express anger or dissatisfaction, I have struggled with an unleashing of the inner critic upon me. It says things like I am a bad sister, how could I talk to my mother like that, what's wrong with me, how rude of me, on and on and on, did you have to yell, you couldn't have just spoken more calmly.

So how I handle mistakes isn't well. I usually get a barrage of 'bad bad bad bad me' following soon after. I try to fight it sometimes, if I can even be conscious enough to realize it's happening, and talk back and yell back. But it's like a demon that assails me whenever I make a mistake and it doesn't go down without a fight.