Day 13 The unsent letter

I just wrote my 18 year old son an unsent letter. I had no idea how much pain and sadness this would release in me. He has been an extremely difficult child since he was 3. Raising him has taxed me in mor ways than I have acknowledged. I have not been alone. Though divorced, his Dad has been a good support system. But this kid has been difficult for us both. Befuddled us both. The guilt I feel over my tumultous parenting of my son runs deep into my soul. I am getting counseling over this and other issues, but realize I may need to bring him in for counseling to make amends. My back problems started when he became 14 and I am now seeing the correlation. How does deal with profound guilt?

 

Hi Yvette,

Its hard writing these unsent letters. I just wrote mine to my mum. I won't go into details here. I would say that bringing him in for counselling may be something you have to do, and if so, so be it. But I wouldn't let that possibility affect your journalling process. The reason the letter is unsent is that you should be able to say anything you like. Remember that all the time when you are journalling you are trying to express the emotions of your repressed inner child, and if you feel guilty then about anything you may have written then you are just then pushing those emotions down again. Let them come out and realise that it is healthy and ok to feel them. You never have to act on them if you don't want to. This is the only way I can journal and the only way I can write with complete freedom.

It seems we are at a similar point I will check out your story now, and feel free to do the same with mine. You now have another person supporting your journey of healing - its an amazing process and I am loving every minute of getting better and my pain improving with belief in TMS. Its great to meet you and I hope you are improving yourself as you work through the SEP.

On a further note, I have noticed your name quite a bit in the SEP - its great you are working through it but remember its ok to slow down and let each step sink in. I am on day 13 here, but something like day 45 - 50 overall as I consider the book reading, daily reminders and trying to take teach da more normally all stages in the SEP in itself.

My names Adam by the way - really great to meet you

Take care,

 

Hi Adam,

Thanks for the kind words. I read your story and your situation is very similar to mine. I had L3-L4-L5 herniated 4 years ago. Then in the Fall a new crushing pain surfaced in my shoulders/upper back , but my lower back was quiet. Then in Jan of this year, I had back to back lower back episodes complete with horrific pain and a herniated L5 disc. The whole situation was becoming bizarre and I completely panicked and felt that my whole spine was falling apart and I would be crippled. I stumbled on Sarno. Read the book several times because I saw myself in every page, watched the DVD several times and now am doing the recovery program.

Yes, it can be tempting to do a lot, but actually I have been doing the daily activity only and even skipped a few days Certain days go smooth and certain days do not (i.e. the unsent letter day). I am working out and stretching when I want to (which is almost daily) b/c it feels good. Very different than before. I am steel feeling my spine is "delicate" and avoiding jostling and rough activities. I just don't want to and don't feel pressure to do so.

I have a lot of huge life events coming up and working hard to NOT over prepare for them, the thorn I my side (and my back.)

Glad we connected and looking forward to hearing how you are doing.