Day 9 The way things were

maybe I should tell part of my story. Two years ago I had a panic attack. I didn't really know what was going on at the time. It coincided with having been really hungry from a long day. Well as some of you know, the brain doesn't always act in rational ways. For the next weeks every time I felt hunger I had a panic attack. They got worse before I realized what was happening.

I was blindsided I got checked for hypoglycemia. I was fine, normal, every single time I was fine. I think I got checked about 6 times. Always trying to "catch" it. I made excuses why it wouldn't show up on tests.

It had evaded my memory that I had had a panic attack way back. I had to do some work and remember that these medical things don't just happen out of the blue. However, bewilderment is a heck of a thing. You can't think clearly during a panic attack. If you obsess over it, it can consume you.

I had spent so much time adding fear and worry to sensations. I struggled for a year. Finally after a few months of evidence sheets, which I didn't know were evidence sheets at the time. I said "screw it" and would end up riding out sensations for hours on end. It felt horrible. I was left feeling dizzy from morning until almost night. In a few months they finally subsided. I wasn't super consistent with my reactions either. Some days I would go back to thinking I was hypoglycemic.

However even now, if I work a long day and get hunger I will have sensations. If I react with fear then they last a long time. If I ride them out and can shift my focus they fizzle in about an hour.

I think we often feel silly or get mad and say had I only known then, I wouldn't be in this mess. But the amygdala is as agreeable as it can be. Considering I taught it by accident to fear hunger sensations, it obliged me very much.

So what is the moral? Don't get upset at things we didn't know about that took place in the past. Forgive yourself and move forward. Educate yourself and do your best. Practice patience and know that they're just sensations as bad as they may feel they are not able to cause damage.

 

This is an amazing post! Thank you so much for sharing it. Riding out the panic sensations reminds me of Claire Weekes. I’m so glad to hear that the panic attacks have subsided and/or are less severe. This is great evidence that the process works. Thanks for sharing -AC45