Day 1 Time to figure out what's repressed

I read one of Dr. Sarno's books about a year ago and it immediately made sense to me and provided some relief from the upper back pain I was having at that time. TMS is really ingenious in how it moves around the body and slides in along with an activity that could plausibly cause injury. Back then I was lifting heavy weights and it seemed entirely logical that the stabbing pain and massive knots in my upper back were a direct result of the heavy deadlifts I was doing. I quit lifting for a while and went to see a chiropractor, whose adjustments gave me some relief, but the knots in my upper back just wouldn't go away. Of course, the chiro would never entertain the possibility that the problem wasn't physical, he was more than happy to pencil me in for appointments indefinitely. The money the healthcare industry makes off people with TMS...

It's taken a few years, but I am finally ready to admit that I am basically the poster boy for psychosomatic symptoms. I'm fortunate that none of it has ever been truly debilitating, but it has been incredibly irritating and frustrating. Some of the things I've dealt with include neck, back (upper and lower), hip, knee, and shoulder pain as well heartburn, panic attacks, excessive burping, the feeling that something is wrapped around my throat, and frequent urination.

If my subconscious wanted to distract me with these symptoms it has succeeded wildly. I have at various points been terrified about heart, kidney, throat, and digestive problems, and have been on a perpetual quest to heal myself. I have bought dozens of books, tried a variety of extreme diets, and bought an arsenal of self massage products. I have become of connoisseur of all types of obscures and alternative theories of health. Most of the stuff I tried helped a bit at the time, but the underlying problem was never fixed. If anything the symptoms have gotten worse.

The latest thing has been my right hip and knee. I've been practicing a particular Chinese martial art for about 2 years and have really been loving it and looking forward to ramping up my training now that the weather is warm. The problem is that my knee and hip keeps hurting. Now this martial art involves walking in very tight circles and can legitimately damage the knees if practiced recklessly. This winter I was a bit too aggressive and put my knees under some real strain. With some time off, things healed up, I improved my technique and I thought I was in the clear for practice this spring and summer. I began to gradually ramp up my training but then the pain started.

You've got to admire TMS for its cleverness. By imitating a previous injury I'd experienced that coincided with a particular activity, it was able to dupe me for a few months. It was only a couple days ago that I realized I had been resting my knee for a few weeks and it wasn't getting any better. I was thinking about it more and more and it was only getting worse. At this point I realized it was TMS. The symptoms have immediately retreated and I have been able to train the past couple days for much longer and without any of the regular post workout pain.

I have decided that it is finally time to uncover the root cause of all these symptoms. I have a repressive personality. I rarely show my emotions. The past several years have been very tough on me in terms of mental health, substance abuse, career stress, and relationship difficulties. I believe I have been repressing a lot of stuff, going back to childhood. Obviously my subconscious is pissed off, or is hiding something from me, or I am in denial about something. Whatever it is, I have to come face to face with it if am ever going to find peace in this life.

 

That is for sure... the pain can be tricky!!

It is very brave that you have decided to work on identifying repressed emotions. Hope journaling provides a helpful outlet for you to explore these feelings.

 

Hello love,

TMS is as slippery as an eel. Great news though, this fine resource has all the hints, tips and tools a hunter needs. The truly beautiful thing is that not only healing, but potentially Mastery awaits you.

I think you'll benefit from Alan Gordon's program. It's superb for tackling those dark emotional caves. Maybe something for later though as this Structured Program is rich enough. Warm wishes and welcome.