TMS DAY 8

I am on day 8 of the treatment, and overall spent a lot longer then 8 days getting to this point. I feel like certain times, I overthink myself into pain when I am only trying to dig myself out of it. I spent too much time pushing myself to feel the feelings I am repressing, and take the feedback of sudden pain to mean failure. On an intellectual level I know this is wrong, but there is a life I have molded where all I know what to do is repress, and trying to feel these things gets me even more angry, and it is only a matter of time before I forget all the processes and start repressing that anger which then will lead to my pain--and since I am not strong enough to repudiate the pain with indifference yet, the pain may stay around for a while. I feel that my mind is so cluttered. So much goes on there that I have no control over, so much disorder and pollution plagues the unconscious mind by design, and in this slum, I feel it so hard to pattern a pain free reflex amidst all my bodily responses to run the other way. The more treatment and self improvement I make, the more pain I open myself up to generating, which is the dichotomy. I second guess myself a lot; I hope I am doing this right. Even if I lose hope, I will still follow.

 

Don't lose hope! I'm on Day 16 but I have gone slowly too. And this weekend I gave myself permission to enjoy time with family and not worry about getting this "done." I sometimes struggle with doing the lessons and then I end up in more pain! It makes me want to throw in the towel and keep my world small. I will journal and end up in more pain too! Seeking community as been super helpful to me. Posting on this forum when I am overwhelmed or feel discouraged also helps too. When pain is getting bad-I just tell myself that it is temporary and keep going about my day. Sometimes it sticks around for a while and I have to keep going and telling myself that. And it is so hard. In addition to doing SEP, I have been listening to Nicole Sach's podcast "The Cure for Chronic Pain" She has a lot of good encouraging episodes. I'm still brand new on this but my big takeaway is learning what works for you. None of us heal the same so you can't look at others who had the same symptoms and think that is going to work for you. Use this time to experiment-find books that you like and podcasts that speak to you! This is your time to take care of you-treat yourself how you would treat a very good friend! I know others will post on here that have waaaaayyy more experience than me. But these tips have been my biggest takeaway so far in the month I have been here!

 

Great advice! You actually are an expert! You’re doing it.

 

Oh gosh, yes! Just count on that being part of the journey. My symptoms rarely subside. They sometimes give me a small enough glimpse into less pain that I get excited for the future. That keeps me going!

 

Thanks guys, your words mean a lot.