TMS makes the most sense

Hello everyone! So happy to have found this forum. I'll try to be brief in my story.

I've been a recreational runner off and on for 15 years and have run one half marathon for fun 13 years ago. I just turned 46 and at the prospect of menopause and a very unwelcome weight gain at the end of 2022 due to horrible eating habits, I decided to get my life back in order and started running consistently 3 times a week and changed my eating habits as a New Year's Resolution in 2023. I lost 15 pounds and never felt better. By the end of September I had comfortably been running 10 km so I said to myself, why not sign up for a half marathon in the spring? I swear, as soon as I hit that registration button that was when it all started going downhill!!! Well, on the next long run after that when I increased by 1 km my long run.

I started experiencing pain in my ITB tendon on the outside of my knee beginning of October. So, I took off a couple days, iced it, started glute strengthening exercises. The pain seemed to calm down, but a week or two later, I woke up one Saturday morning (a rest day) with a pain in my back that shot down my leg. I chalked it up to pulling something running and the pain went away as the weekend wore on. By Monday, my long run, I was able to run with no pain at all. A couple weeks after that, my ITB was being achy again and on the oppostite side, my hip seemed stiff with a weird feeling in my glute. Partner and I went away for a weekend and I pressed on my lower back where my SI joint probably is and I felt tenderness there. Then a couple days later the tenderness was felt in the butt area on that side. I went to the doctor who said I more than likely had gluteal tendinopathy.

I had a sports massage and he suggested that maybe I get an Xray for osteoarthritis on that one side with the hip/butt stiffness. I explained to him that I made some training errors and increased my speed dramatically during interval training and that my body wasn't ready for such a dramatic increase in speed and I also switched brands of running shoes after years of using another brand. In the meantime my IT band had seemed to calm down on the other side and I booked PT sessions to work on the glute pain.

The PT agreed with the doctor and did some shockwave therapy. There was ZERO pain in the glute on the other side, but a week later, the pain on the one side had subsided and I started getting literal pain in the butt on the other side, the same side as the IT band pain. It even hurt to do the elliptical. The PT didn't really understand what was going on since I had decreased my running load and literally a week before my glute wasn't bothering me at all on that side.

I did all the strength exercises, shockwave therapy, saw an osteopath who said it was the SI joint and supposedly popped it back into place, I dramatically decreased my running so there is no reason I should have gotten injured on the other side. One day both sides will hurt, but the next day it will just be the one side where the IT band flared up, it can move from lower back to butt (the most frequent) to SI joints to top outside of thigh. When I run or do Pilates, I'm pain free or mostly pain free. Advil doesn't help, the foam roller and massage gun help very temporarily. But, I did start to notice that in stressful situations, my pain would start to increase. Or in pleasant situations, I had little to no pain. A glass of wine also seemed to help decrease the pain.

Over the past two months, I've come to fear waking up and seeing how much pain I'd be in. I really want to run the half marathon in March and the discourse is that if I have a structural problem, I need to take off time from training. But, how can it be a structural problem if it's shifting everywhere and I can run pain free???? If it's structural, then it would have healed by now, it's been 2 + months!

And, if it doesn't hurt when I'm running or doing Pilates, then there must not be such a huge problem, right?

That's when I came across Sarno's work. And it all makes sense. Completely.

I've had a lot of feelings of sadness for my kids who are soon going to leave the nest. I'm a single mom and raised them on my own since the youngest was 3, now she's 15 and her brother and sister are 17 and 20. Everywhere I go, I see all the memories of when they were little and all the things we used to do. I'm super fearful of this new chapter in my life, one that is more quiet and calm and without them. All I know how to do it be a mom!!! Also, I have an absolutely loving partner and we've been together for 11 years (we don't live together), but he recently moved within a couple miles of me and that has created a lot of internal stress. Because of the above situation, I'm trying to spend as much time as I can with my kids, but I feel guilty no matter who I spend time with because I feel like I'm not spending enough time with everyone! Partner also doesn't have any hobbies or activities, I am his activity! So, that has created so much stress and even built up anger because he wants me to be available and isn't too keen on all the exercise I spend time doing. That has caused a lot of tension and I know anger on my part that I can't express to him. And, the last one is financial stress. I have been spending way beyond my means and taken a huge chunk out of my only savings and that has caused an enormous amount of stress. And in general I just feel anger towards how disrespectful people are in general and I get angered easily. I'm also a huge people pleaser and feel guilty very easily.

Anyway, all of that to say, a TMS diagnosis seems completely logical. To add to all this, I suffer from a genetic corneal eye disease that causes very painful attacks during the night despite surgery on both eyes. I was just noticing the other day how I haven't had an attack for at least 2 months and I haven't even had the need to use my eye drops! Could it be that my brain has decided to cause pain elsewhere?

I'm just starting my journey to understanding all this and am halfway through Sarno's book on healing back pain. I also downloaded the Curable app and am working through the exercises. The tense knot that is currently residing in one of my glutes and causing radiating pain seems to be loosening a little and I am hopeful.

Thank you for reading and good luck on your journeys!

 

Hello @andiefrance23
How wonderful you have such an open mind and see the possibilities!
Good luck on your journey, and let us know if you have any questions. We are here to support you.
I suggest you also read through the tmswiki.org page - you will find success stories that will help invigorate you, and two free programs that may help you along your journey if you feel you need them. Most of the "work" is similar to what the Curable app will take you through.

Good luck!