Day 8 TMS Treatment So Far: Some Success!

Week 1 was great for me. My most current and pressing TMS problem, which I’ve had for about 5 years now, is incredible pain in my left foot which often radiates up my left leg. I often would tape my foot, generally change shoes 2-5 times per day, and either limit my activity or take a lot of pain medication or often both. I also suffer from fibromyalgia, and if I would sit for long periods of time (read, work at the computer, watch TV, etc.) to rest my foot then the rest of my body would flare up. I have been literally consumed by the pain, and it has been in my thoughts about 90% of the time for years.

During the past week, in addition to the daily activities, I’ve done the following:

- I’ve learned to focus on the underlying meaning of my pain loop. Now, when I feel pain, I first spend time saying goodbye to my pain loop and tell it I am no longer buying into it. I make up little songs in my head to sing (bye bye pain loop, bye bye, it’s time for you to fly, you’ve done me so wrong for so long, I’m not buying it any longer, I am now so much stronger, bye pain loop, bye bye – I could go on, but you get the picture I’m sure… J ). I then sometimes think about the pain as simply a sensation, one that I don’t need to apply so much negativity to and obsess over, and one that I expect will be gone very soon. I then think about being nice to myself and prioritizing myself. What are some fun and nice things I can do for myself? Where do I need to cut myself some slack? What would be fun to do in the next few days, either by myself, with my kids, wife, dog, etc? Later, I make sure I follow through.

- I’ve spent time thinking about my childhood and the terrible physical and emotional abuse that I endured. I’ve done this before, but now I have gone beyond the WHAT to the WHY: it made (and makes) me feel terrified, that I have no place safe to go, no certainty of when or where the next physical or emotional attack would/will come from, no one to trust, no one to take care of me or nurture me or PROTECT me. (I’ve actually been crying as I write this, and gave myself permission to do so, something that never would have happened in the past…). I visualize myself as a child and reach out and hug the little guy. He needs it SO badly. I tell him that I am sorry for what he had to endure and that I love him and that he is such a wonderful boy.

- I wrote a short essay for myself, entitled “connect the dots” where I recounted the history of my various TMS manifestations (there are a lot!) and what they were connected to in my life. Clearly I have repressed issues from childhood, and my earliest symptoms (chronic headaches and gastrointestinal) started around 18. But then as I went through life and pushed myself to do and achieve more and more and more, without ever giving myself a break anywhere, and “managing my pain” in one way or the other, my various TMS manifestations kept increasing. Seeing it laid out for myself in black and white was rather eye-opening, to say the least. My mindbody has been trying for a long time to get my attention to address all of these things that I am finally becoming aware of.

- I have slowly been working my way through the TMS Recovery Program and other posts and resources on the site, listening to the clips, watching the videos, writing myself notes, and printing some things out so I could reread them. I’ve done this in small doses. I know that I am going to be at this a while, so I have a lot of time to work my way through things. I know that this will help me internalize it. I try to put what I have learned into action.

- I have accepted that I really, really need this program to change my negative habits and the way I relate to myself and my emotions. It’s hard work, and it’s really time consuming, but I have to be in this for the long haul. I need to do this for me.



Overall, my pain is much better and I am no longer particularly consumed with it. It is there. It will go away eventually. I am on the right track. I have had some old TMS manifestations try to reassert themselves (headaches and TMJ) but I have not panicked or gone into fear mode or obsessed, but merely observed that this is my unconscious getting worried that the jig is up and therefore trying to hijack my process. I will stay the course.

I had a long walk in the woods with my dog this week, and it was really enjoyable. The pain was there, but not in the forefront of my mind. It’s been a long time since that happened. I took the kids out for ice cream on the spur of the moment, two hours BEFORE dinner. I was there for my kids when they wanted help or needed a ride somewhere without worrying about “getting my stuff done in time” – whatever I was working on was less important, and I refused to stress about it or hurry through. I spent time sitting with my wife watching the TV shows that she likes (normally I’ll walk away) just to spend time together on the couch. I went out dirt-bike riding, something that I love but I don’t do much anymore because it is just so hard on me physically. I took some painkillers when needed, and I just enjoyed myself. I deserve it!

Thank you all for being there. Thank you Alan Gordon for posting so much great information, with such incredible insights, for us all to access.

Bugs

 

Hi, Bugs. It looks like you are doing great. Getting out with the kids, being with your wife, walking the dog, dirt-bike riding. All wonderful activities.

It does look like you have to come to terms with your abused boyhood. I put mine to rest by putting myself in my parents shoes and came to realize why they divorced when I was seven, which left me with feelings of abandonment and insecurity. I came to understand them better and that they had their own TMS emotional and physical pain. That helped me to forgive them. Forgiving is one of the most powerful tools in TMS emotional healing. It gives a new, freesh start in life. You and your wife and kids will find that in forgiving.

 

Nice! Sounds perfect. I like how you used visualization to comfort yourself as a young boy. That was very sweet.