Day 8 TMS Treatment to this point

This post is part of the Day 8 program, after reading Peg Hanson's TMS experience.

I've struggled with back pain since 2007. I was told about Dr. Sarno by a friend in late 2009, and immediately devoured all his books and I printed off exercises from the Internet. He described me perfectly! I did quite a bit of writing for about a month, which I have saved. My enthusiasm waned, so I stopped and later went back to physical therapy and "thinking physical". When PT ended in late 2010, I didn't keep going with the exercises. I've just sort of muddled along in various states of constant pain, feeling like a failure because I have trouble sustaining any kind of positive self-care activities.

A couple of weeks ago, feeling old and hopeless after being told I need carpal tunnel surgery, I decided to try Dr. Sarno's way again and discovered this Wiki and the Structured Educational Program. My awareness is increasing, as is my pain and different symptoms. I know this is to be expected, so I keep reassuring myself that this is a sign of progress, in a way. But part of me wants to run away and not do the work and change my way of being. I've committed to the program though, so I will just keep showing up, scared or not. It really helps me to have other TMSers to interact with. Thanks!