TMS whack-a-mole

Hi everyone

My name is Robert, I am 31, I work as a lawyer in London and I am a life longer sufferer of TMS.

It first 'started' when I was 18, shortly after I left school and a year or so after my dad died of cancer (I actually had TMS before this in the form of terrible acne but didn't realise this was TMS until many years later). It started with an injury in my shoulder, that spread to my back, and then to my knees and then to everywhere. I was eventually diagnosed with fibromyalgia by my doctor. This was actually fortunate as googling 'cures to fibromyalgia' led me to John Sarno. I remember reading a brief description of TMS and thinking that is exactly what I had! I ordered his book healing back pain and quickly became 90% better. What really helped is that the book gave me the confidence to workout and get back in the gym. I went through a few years of if my back hurt, I would go to the gym and smash my back - pull ups, rows etc - and it would actually get rid of the pain. If my knees hurt, I would go for a run and that would get rid of the pain. Essentially I would recognise the pain as TMS and then workout that area as way of proving to myself it was TMS.

This year things have become a bit worse. I started a new role at work/became more senior/plus generally life gets more stressful as you get older etc. and my TMS has really stepped up its attack. I started getting daily headaches and feeling burnt out. My friend told me about a wellness technique called 'Wim Hof method' which involves cold exposure and breathing exercises. I started doing it, and the breathing in particular, got rid of my headaches. But this is similar to my original TMS, which in hindsight, was terrible acne (I didn't know this was TMS at the time). I took very strong medication for my acne which got rid of the acne, but this led to my body hurting all over when I was 18. My understanding is that if you override a symptom with drugs or breathwork etc. it will pop up as something else. Well this has happened to me a lot this year. I have had knee pain, trap pain, back pain, bicep pain etc which all comes and goes. For the first time I have also had terrible anxiety and panic attacks, which I only recently realised was also TMS. Fortunately making this connection has seemed to help a lot.

Anyway, about 2 months ago I started to get a pain in my left pectoral muscle after going to the gym with a friend. It didn't hurt at the time, it started to hurt in bed after. I decided it was TMS and followed my usual approach of pushing through and ignoring it, reminding myself that it is just TMS. This seemed to work for a little bit and it got a bit better but I then decided to take 2 weeks off gym, which didn't seem to make it any better at all! I then decided to really push through and double up on the workouts and this seemed to help, and I thought it was better. Just before Christmas I did a full session with no pain. Then rather bizarrely when I came home to my mums for Christmas and stopped training it seemed to come back and then get worse. A lot of doubt creeped in and I have been worrying its a 'real' injury. I then tried to push through today but for the first time it actually hurt whist training in the gym. I think this is because I started doing 'rehab' for it, special stretches etc and the doubt has really crept in to the point where I am really worried its a real injury, even though I know it must be TMS because otherwise the fluctuations in the pain don't make sense. I find myself checking the pain every few moments and having a constant battle in my head of 'this is just TMS' vs 'what if this is a real injury and I'm making it worse?'. This has led me to feel a bit stuck!

Does anyone have any advice for this... i.e. when they have a new pain and they are almost certain its TMS, but can't seem to shake the doubt of 'what if this is a real injury and I'm making it worse...'

Obviously I can't really go to a doctor/ physio as that reinforces the real injury confirmation and they never know/ understand TMS.

Any help, much appreciated.

In any event my new years resolution is to 'get to the bottom' of my TMS rather than continuously playing whack-a-mole with my body and I am going to start (and finish) Nicole Sachs chronic pain course.

 

Hi Robert:
Perhaps before you start Nicole's program, you re-read Dr. Sarno and pay specific attention to places he says things like PSYCHOLOGICAL and BENIGN - your brain is simply not wanting to hear this now, because it's trying to protect you from doing the hard work. Many people struggle immediately after either hearing of Sarno and relating to his book and then making the decision to change how you think about your pain.
Doubt is a normal part of the course. Don't dwell on it too much.
Instead focus on the elements he suggest cause this psychological phenomenon: inner rage and other hard emotions (Nichole focuses on this), how your thoughts create internal stress, your mindset: are you currently or are you often (and don't realize it) anxious, a "glass half empty" person, or have some of the personality traits Dr. Sarno found in common with his patients. Focus on all the things that you feel DO apply to you in his work.
Then just start on Nichole's course and work thought it. The process of doing the work generally helps alleviate the doubt.