Day 8 To focus or not focus on pain..and recognizing emotions

Certain TMS and healing literature has recommended leaning into the symptoms without judgement, eg Somatic tracking, meditation, and checking-in on ourselves and how our body is doing.

Others such as the users listed in Day8 recommend ignoring symptoms/pain.

It has been on-going process for me to a balance between focusing on pain / ignoring pain and focusing on life.

The underlying emotions I have behind my pain is definitely anger. Anger towards society. Anger towards certain people. Anger towards myself, for being so hard on myself during my younger/adolescent years.

For the journaling session I wrote an unsent letter to myself. At the end, I asked for forgiveness and got an answer "yes". It was an powerful emotional experience.

 

NOT Sarno. This is the schpeel of a disciple of Sarno who turned his personal adventure into a business. Most people who I read aren't getting better very fast do the above. I am NOT OK with the pain..I came here to get out of it and right soon!!!

THat is good advice for when you are feeling on the upswing...not scared, not trampled down, not feeling hopeless...You may go in and out of that during the day...every time your confidence is blooming? Ignore the pain and go about your business, go do what you did before this happened....it is contagious and essential to your personal journey.

If you're doubt and fear crawl back? Go Read the text of Sarno and WRITE lists of all the rage makers you can think of.....keep that paper handy and scribble things that reading the text might wake up...hell, I write them right into the book and after 25 years, the margins are pretty damn full!

Good. I predict you are gonna get well really soon.

Now..the next time your still for a minute think about this...after all of that anger you wrote down.....That is only a FRACTION of the anger that actually resides inside of you. If all of the anger in your life was given a numerical value of X, your actual anger reservoir is X squared!!!!
NOW you can see how your body chose that symptom to PROTECT you from YOU. Tell your Brain..."Thanks for the help, but I am now gonna sort this out myself"
\

and that on-going process is the ONLY way your gonna get and stay better. And it has to be YOUR process...Sarno explains the problem and gives us the basic tools, Then it is in our court to play ball..the more you play, the faster you recover. I was fortunate to be on disability the first time I did this...I did it all day every day and was better in a couple weeks after years of no solutions

This reminds me a lot of when I used to have to fight the neighborhood bully. There was no way I was gonna get around it and the longer I put it off, the more my brain hurt. When I finally stood up to that punk and fought, it was always easier than the thinking about it, and I always went "That really was not as hard as I thought it would be"

This time the bully is inside of you. Sock him in the Jaw every time you can and you will be better and right soon!!!!

It is about ANGER. RAGE.

 

Love this!

 

Thank you for your advice!

Can you tell me a bit more about how to stand up to and fight the inner bully? Who or what exactly is the inner bully? Is it the symptom or the voice that follows the symptoms and tells me that I'm broken and something is wrong with me?
Is it as simple as not reacting to my symptoms with fear and continuing to live my life?

Edit: I clicked on the link to "inner bully" that was highlighted after I posted this and reviewed the material. I think I'm starting to understand it more now

 

I imagine that if someone who didn't know what I was going thru (TMS) followed me around all day they might think I had Tourettes or Split personality disorder.
"Who is he talking to?"
"Wow..he is ANGRY!"

I actually speak to the Pain. I am NOT compassionate or 'accepting' of it...I am mildly tolerant, like hanging out with a problem Partner with who I am having a divorce....and very soon! Bickering non-stop!

When the pain tells me something, I not only refuse to listen, I do the exact opposite of what it is demanding.....while I curse it to high hell and back!

This would defintely fall into Dr. Sarno's suggestion that 'this is a contest between you and the Pain'

Last couple weeks I was having Hand Pain. I won't belabor how it tricked me again, But once I was sure it was TMS, I did the exact opposite of what IT told me to do.
"What's that? You want me to slow down and be careful? F**K You...I am gonna play guitar longer and harder then before.
F**K You, I am gonna get on my hands and knee's and push this hammer drill for 7 hours without a break....the more you try and tell me there is something wrong, the more I am gonna push back and tell YOU There is NOTHING wrong and think about the last GF I broke up with (abandonment, rage) rather than what might be 'wrong' with my hand (obsession, fear)"

The hardest thing to wrap my head around is the subtlety of the anger...I have no drama in my life anymore...it might be aging, loneliness, lack of purpose, shame about my inability to generate as much passion as I used to....it was actually a lot easier when I was lying about being in a 'good marriage'...(Lying to myself) or had drama, crappy bosses, etc.....My life has been relatively quiet. Much harder to find repressed rage. I only know it is still there from the 'Shadow on the Wall'...that is TMS

BTW..my pain was gone. I only remembered I had it when I see a copy of 'Mindbody prescription' lying on the floor of my bathroom.

"Oh yeah...I was in pain last week...Sarno wins AGAIN!"