Day 5 To play guitar stress free

A bit of a long post and slightly of tangent.

I guess i can stress myself out while playing guitar.I put such high expectations on myself and being at music school you are pushed to reach a high standard. My dreams are to be this amazing musician so I push myself pretty hard (others may disagree!). At the same time I tire myself out, beat myself up become very self conscious and seep myself in self doubt. Sometimes when I am caught up in this messy web its hard to get a grip. But these hard to deal with situations are always going to pop up in life so I have to know how to handle them. So its only by doing what I am doing now that I can learn how to handle my inherent self destructiveness. I remember when I was a youngen i loved listening to music especially hard rock but I hated playing guitar. My dad pretty much bought me one and made me play and when ever he visited he asked me what I had learnt and i couldn't do jack and he would seem so disappointed and it didn't make me feel good though soon i was able to play stuff and it felt amazing and then i started getting lessons. i was way better at playing then all my friends and most people my age. Playing along to all my favorite bands jamming with friends etc felt so good. I knew i wanted to be a musician when I grew up. Then I started getting the RSI pains. Playing was still fun but having that pain having the pain made practice so much less motivating. Where as before hand guitar was all i wanted to do. I was always focused on becoming better but now it was way more about becoming better and creating better things then just about having fun. After high school i pretty much put my guitar down having little moments of trying to pick it back up but then eventually putting it back down. Untill about a year ago

I practice and play guitar heaps. Its not always fun. (i do have fun as well) So I practicing to accept and love what ever feelings and thoughts enter me while I play. To play without worry stress or tension would be amazing. But at the moment I am learning to play with all of these things because that is my situation. I guess a maybe a better way of putting it how to do what you love while being able to deal with stress tension etc... having awareness of myself and everything happening within would be an amazing sensation. Knowing how to send love to my full being. bring joy myself and others through music. WOW! Sharing emotions anger, rage, sadness, love, enjoyment,passion and laughter with others through music my dream. Sometimes I well have these moments though no where to the extent of which i used to. it bothers me at times and it other times I am not at all worried. I know I am learning heaps about myself and I think that is the main thing.