Trapped in fear cycle

morning everyone,

I just wanted to share my experience of being trapped in a fear cycle... im working my way out, but the fear and I have gotten very comfortable together.

My symptoms date back to January of this year. More or less, they follow the pattern of Sarno's claim that symptoms are "in vogue" as I had what felt like a bad case of long covid - chest pain, palpitations, SoB, and fatigue. The chest pain was bad enough I ended up in ER 4 times, once with a panic attack accompanying. I got a full cardiac work up, pulmonary, CT scan and anything else reasonable. Of course, no structural issues were found and anxiety was the label given.

I got paired with a therapist who put me onto Sarno, Schubinert, etc. And has been doing ISDPT - it makes sense to me, I'm a believer but a bit resistant to the talk therapy process after having never been very emotional (red flag for TMS). Believing in recover gave me hope: in the last month, I had more energy, more drive, and was making more mind-body connections when I felt symptoms.

Saturday I had a relapse of fear. I was doing something physical and had some chest twinges and a high heart rate (easily explained by the work I was doing and the deconditioning over months of avoiding strenuous work). It got worse and worse, and that night I drove to a hospital... knowing it was TMS and fear, I didn't go in. But the fear had me up all night, heart pounding and increasing in pain. My resting HR was easily 30 to 40 bpm above normal - so in a tachycardia state.

I took myself into the hospital after suffering for 24hrs, knowing full well it would be nothing and after a quick work up, was told the same.

On the drive home, now heart issues having been busted as being my unconscious TMS symptom - it resolved, HR back into the 50s, and the symptom imperative came in to bring on a headache and neck pain.

I thought I was doing really well in recognizing what was going on and not letting fear get the best of me. Ill have to try harder.

That said - my therapy session on Friday was exhausting and stired up a lot, so I am wondering if that had something to do with it. Likewise, out of the blue, an old "sweetheart" of mine reach out to me and brought back some memories from 10 or so years ago. I wish i could have rationalized this into the emotion I needed to feel rather than suffer the episode of pain.

For the sake of my sanity and to reduce the burden on public health care - joking i wish my brain would manifest this pain anywhere else besides what mimics cardiac issues!