Trigger warning suicidal

I have chronic daily migraines and fibro and plan on killing myself when my parents go on vacation. I don’t wanna die and I have no one else to talk to that won’t lock me up in a psych ward . I know I have TMS but I haven’t been able to deal with the fear of the pain. Please if anyone would wanna call and talk to me and support me. I don’t wanna die, I wanna live a normal life and have a family. I am 20 years old and have dropped out of college and had to quit a fucking part time job that I couldn’t even do it. I went to pain reprocessing therapy for four months and I just started with a tms therapist. This is my last call for hope, i’m not trying to ge dramatic I just can’t talk to anyone else or they will force me into an hospital for being suicidal which will only make it worse.

You can text me at 3146812783 if you wanna try to chat

 

Hi @benjsteger ,

I have a son your age and I can promise you this will pass. This is all anxiety which is actually quite normal. This will not be forever, I can assure you. Take satisfaction in the fact that you are in the right place and on the right path now. Let this therapist help you and you will come up with a plan with them. I have been in the abyss and so have countless others and we all got better. You are not alone and this is temporary.

 

Benjsteger,

I can understand that you feel helpless after pain and soreness every day. I’m glad to hear you say you don’t want to die; you have the will to live. If you want to talk to someone personally, please call the suicide hotline or any hotline. Remember everyone on this website can sympathize with you. You are not alone. Having a TMS therapist is a great start! Listening to videos of laughing babies has helped me and also videos of stand-up comedians. Journaling, EFT, deep breathing have helped. I take 5 minutes once or twice a day to check in with myself to see how I’m feeling. If I have any strong e negative emotions, I journal about it. Also I just started the SEP program on this website. Please hang in there. There are things you can do. You are young; you have a lot to live for.

 

@benjsteger don't do it. You will get better. Four months of pain reprocessing therapy is nothing. It can take much longer to recover. Just hang in there. I felt suicidal at times at the beginning of this journey and I am sure many others on this forum have as well. It will pass. You are in a dark place now and can't see your way out, but you will get out of there.
Do your parents know how bad you feel? Are you able to talk to them, without mentioning suicide? If you feel so desperate, I think you need to think of all options for help. Perhaps you need to see one of the top TMS doctors like Dr Howard Schubiner or Dr Stracks to reassure you, if you can afford that. (they do tele-consultations). I have a feeling that you need more than just pain reprocessing therapy, which doesn't really deal with repressed emotions. It's great that you have started with a TMS therapist. Does he/she help you process emotions too?
Just don't do it. You will be SO glad that you didn't give in when you are better. Sending loving support.

 

I remember feeling the same way.
I used to lay in Bed all day. and felt like I just existed to suffer and complain. I was thinking of ways to kill myself that would look accidental so my wife could at least get my insurance policy $$. I kept trying to work and I couldn't get through a day w/o pain and gobs of pills.
That was the 'dark before the dawn' because that same desperation made me reee-ally open minded when I learned about TMS and I had an unusually rapid recovery.
If you PM me I will get back to you...