Day 2 Trying to accept the diagnosis

I am trying my very best to remind myself around the clock that my pain is not structural. I can already notice myself starting to accept it, largely due to the reading I have done on this site.

Today's exercises:

3 things that make me angry are:

1. being in pain. only being 22 makes me very angry when I see most of my peers being pain free
2. seeing people my age be more successful than me. I have been largely unguided as to what career I want to pursue, and this has left me very stressed out the past year or so.
3. my mother not showing sympathy. She is very difficult to live with, and has never shown any sympathy to me being in pain.

3 things that make me sad are:

1. the possibility that i won’t be successful in whatever career I choose
2. Lied to my girlfriend about something very intimate.
3. Looking back on my childhood and realizing I wasn’t included in a lot of social activities.

favourite activity: weightlifting

last time i did it: yesterday

makes me feel: optimistic, strong, hopeful

symptoms prevented me: by making me very cautious, babying my back

doing this activity again: tomorrow


favourite activity: basketball

last time i did it: last summer (2018)

makes me feel: energetic, happy, competitive

symptoms prevented me: made me scared for fear of making pain worse

doing again: next time I am invited to play


favourite activity: bjj

last time i did it: fall 2015

makes me feel: strong, capable, calm, competitive

symptoms prevented me: makes me scared i will make my back worse

doing again: when i start school again this september