Trying to Accept TMS

Hello everyone. I am just starting this program and it looks as if creating this thread is the first part of the program. I already want to thank anyone who decides to read this and give any type of advice.

I feel as if I haven't had anything extremely traumatic happen in my life such as Steve Ozanich has had happen in his life. I had a pretty good child hood even though parents were divorced at an early age. I did pretty good in high school. Played baseball and soccer in high school as well as soccer in college for 2 years. This pain really hit me after I got my first job. I was working at an alternative school for kids that had done something bad to get sent there. I feel as if maybe a combination of these bad ass kids, me having my first job, family issues going on, etc. may have caused this onset of pain which started in my hip but has been all around my body.

I have been to many doctors and tried pretty much everything like most of you have. I am convinced that after reading these books that TMS is what I have. I just ordered Steve Ozanich's new book and have begun reading that as well. I'm starting to come to the conclusion that I can read every book and keep saying that I have it but it's almost like I can say I have it but deep down I am still skeptical. If anyone has any advice for me or if someone just would like to read this forum I would greatly appreciate it.

I feel like theres much more to say on the matter but this is a good start. Thanks again everyone.

 

I am sure those kids need infinite amounts of love and compassion. That can be emotionally draining.

 

I used to work with youth like this. Very challenging, and very rewarding. This could definitely kick off TMS!

 

Hi, Kroy. Work that involves helping people with their emotional problems can cause a lot of stress, and that may be triggering your symptoms. One of my best friends was a psychiatrist and after a few years he had to take time off because the work depressed him. I am a former newspaper reporter, and one of the best pieces of advice I got from a journalism professor was to "assume an attitude of detached studiousness." That gave me a psychological tool I used on covering highly emotional news events.

You also need to increase your belief in TMS to 100 percent. Anything less won't work. I withheld about 5 or 10 belief and didn't completely heal from severe back pain until I believed 100 percent. It helps is you say a positive mantra often... "My pain isn't structural... it's psychological... from TMS. Repetition is a great tool in healing.

 

Hi, I felt this way a bit in the beginning as well but you would be surprised what emotions come up and how easy it is to neglect your self on a day to day basis and not even know it. Keep journaling, do expressive writting, let your self feel your emotions! You will get to a point of 100% belief eventually, don't worry

 

Same - started a job 2 years ago teaching in a school for disengaged teenagers. Two months into the job back problems. Other stressful factors were within my life at that time also. Am still working on the Sarno philosophy but as the posters here suggest you have to accept the TMS diagnosis 100%. Something I still fluctuate with. Good luck

 

Hi Kroy,

based on my experience with TMS, your mind needs to learn the fact that TMS is there to distract you from thinking about the real emotional issue and it took me so much time to make it sink in and it felt like the biggest discovery for me. Now I use it as a signal to stop and see what is it that I'm ignoring. I am a 100 % believer. Another thing, your sentence:

says it all, there are so many issues that we can carry on through life from such an event in our childhood. Your subconscious doesn't have a sense of time, so maybe when you work with kids like that, and most probably some of them come from divorced parents, your brain may be experiencing a revival of the time you experienced it. And you put pressure on yourself because you want to help them the best way possible.

 

Hi Kroy,

I know what you mean with this feeling:

while I saw all my personality traits and current stresses on the pages of The Divided Mind and other books, I didn't identify with this part (major trauma, abuse, etc). I had no major childhood traumas that I could think of (for which I am extremely grateful). My parents were supportive and loving, I had good friends, was successful in classes and extracurriculars, etc.

As I've gone through the SEP though, there are a few things I've thought about.
First, that sometimes really good support can be a double edged sword, because you keep getting this message that you can be anything you want to be, so you develop this idea that if you aren't something amazing, with all that support behind you, that you're a a major failure (not to say we shouldn't be supportive, of course. its just that brains are really...tricky). And I think my parents tried to make it clear that it didn't matter what I did, but as a kid I think I formed this "truth" that I HAD to do something great.
Another thing was going back through childhood journals. I realized that even though there were not major traumas, all kinds of things feel really intense when you're a kid and they build up and give you complexes, but I've definitely swept these things under the rug in the past because they weren't big events. For example, bullying, losing a friend because I said the wrong thing to the wrong person, a friend telling me I was annoying when he was under the influence, emotionally withholding boyfriend, etc. They're not little things at the time, but a quick glance back and they seem small. Until I read what I had to say about them then, and I realize they made a huge impact on my psyche. And I imagine working at an alternative school can bring up alllll kinds of memories from high school days that you may not be aware of!

Just some thoughts!
Best wishes on this journey!

 

Hi Kroy, I think your work is the main contributor of stress which resultantly bringing symptoms. You need to give it some time initially but it worth the end results. Good Luck!!

 

Yes I feel as if maybe all that anger I had to repress to work there was what really kicked it off. I remember waking up one morning with awful pain in my hip and I think all those emotions that I couldn't express at work and say what I really wanted to say to some of those kids was what triggered it.

 

Thanks Karl. Yeah I think working with the youth, especially kids who are troubled and are essentially the "bad" kids are what really triggered mine. I grew up in a house hold where there were very strict rules and when I took this job at an alternative school I figured this would be the same but boy was I wrong. I'm sorry youre having a tough time accepting TMS as was I. I think I have fully accepted TMS, now I am just trying to figure out how to get my emotions back and find which ones are really repressed.

 

This is amazing information. Thanks a lot for the support. I am sure you are right that working back at the school triggered tons of different memories. I also like the information you stated about having to be something great. I think this all the time. I am in the military now on my last year, and I am always thinking man this isn't for me. I feel as if I have to be something extraordinary or else my life is a failure. I mean who wants to live a plain normal life? I realize that is not the right mind set but it is how I feel for some reason.

 

I love the idea of being able to stop take a second to figure out it is what you're ignoring. But how do you always find the conclusion of what you are ignoring? I feel like I am constantly thinking about what I am repressing but I never seem to be able to come to a conclusion.

 

Yes sir, I now have full belief in TMS. Now I am just trying to figure out what it is that I'm repressing. I know Dr. Sarno believes that most emotion that is repressed is anger, however I find myself questioning if it is that emotion or something different. I will be honest I feel like it is a mixture between anger, happiness, and sadness.

 

Thank you! I have slacked off recently, but I am 100% towards accepting the diagnosis now. Now, I need to do what you said and start taking more time to journal and write to really find what emotion I am repressing.

 

It took me time to learn how to find what it is that I'm ignoring and I started with small things. Start by noticing the moments when you are not relaxed, rushing to finish things or are just feeling impatient. Or any other emotions, it doesn't matter. Ask yourself why are you feeling like this? What is happening around you? Don't ask why do you have a symptom but rather what are you feeling when they happen. For example, when I get an email from a particular client I know they need me to process the order quickly and they don't understand or rather don't want to understand it takes time and why. They just don't care. This used to upset me and make me angry, they didn't allow me to do the perfect job as I wanted: having enough time to go through it all and make sure there are no mistakes. So I was afraid of being told off by them as I was afraid as a child of being told off by my parents (they never said well done when I was good). I'm a perfectionist as you can see. So this event made me fidgety, even hyper, my stomach would crunch, sometimes I couldn't eat at all, my breathing would become shallow, I would even sweat and feel tense for the entire day. This was one of the causes for my symptoms to start, one of the triggers. It still happens but now when it does I say to myself: Relax, breathe, increasing the pace of how you're doing it is not going to change the fact that the order is going to be late anyway, you cannot control this and that si just fine. Learning how to breathe in this situations can help very much! Funny enough a few mistakes happened with the orders recently and when they asked why I explained the logistics which helped to get more time from them. Hope this helps.