Day 1 Trying to Believe

I just finished reading Dr Sarno's Healing Back Pain about a week ago and it made a lot of sense to me. I do believe our minds are incredibly powerful. Although I want to believe, I'm not totally convinced (I wish I was as I understand the healing would be faster) but I feel a determination that I will do whatever it takes to get better. I have a ton of other emotions surrounding accepting the diagnoses-embarrassment for having it all possibly 'be in my mind', anger over all of the time I've lost and events that I've missed with my beautiful family, anger about the pain I've been through including the treatments I've had,anger over losing my ability to be active (wow, noticing a lot of anger here), guilt over the thousands of dollars I've spent trying to get better-just to name a few.

My story is similar to many. I've had years of neck and back pain, numbness and loss of strength in both arms and legs. I've been to many doctors and I've tried many different forms of treatment including chiropractic, steroid injections, acupuncture, rolfing, trigger point therapy, massage, PT, etc. Most made no difference or made me feel worse although rolfing gave me some significant relief. My MRIs have had many different interpretations showing lots of different things wrong with my back. One of the best things that happened to me was when I was talking to the neurosurgeon who insisted my neck needed to be fused because I had multiple bulging discs in my neck. When I asked him how my neck could be impacting my arms AND legs he responded that the neck couldn't but they could fuse my low back in the next operation. The next operation???? When I said I'm too young to have fusions (45 at the time and previously very active). He told me I wasn't young, Mother Nature was a bitch and I could just walk around in pain if I didn't want to have the surgeries. That made me very determined to find a solution other than surgery.

Fast forward two years and I am definitely much better than I was but not where I want to be. My pain is significantly reduced and I can comfortably go to work, but I still can't walk more than a mile or two without pain and certainly can't do aerobics, workout with my girls or ride my beloved horses. I want to be as healthy as I possibly can, I've upgraded my diet, take supplements and do a version of Yoga most mornings to help with my flexibility and reduce stress.

I'm excited to begin this journey but really afraid of failing and having to live with the pain and without the activities that I love.

 

Tami
Welcome here. Your story and symptoms sound similar to many of the cases here. I'd recommend give it a try reading a couple more books and starting the structured education program here. There is also a group chat today at 3.00 that you can log in to interact with others who have had success with their pain and healed. I have been following the TMS techniques for few months now and have seen a difference but still working on healing. This forum will definitely help you reaffirm your understanding and heal. Good luck on your journey.

 

Tami, welcome. Don't worry about not believing 100% at first. If you start the program and notice a reduction in pain, it will help you believe more and more. That's what has been happening for me. Good luck!

 

Welcome Tami
I agree completely with Gail. I've been at this since the end of December and although I'm noticing a lot of progress I know that I am not 100% convinced yet because the pain is not 100% gone. Baby steps, each time it decreases the tiniest of bits is a victory worth celebrating and will move us closer and closer to certainty.

There are many of us here who share the feelings of anger and guilt you express in your first paragraph. I was just journaling about all the anger associated with my pain yesterday and again today. The guilt is ever present as well but I'm trying to peek into one emotion at a time so I don't overload myself...that of course is easier said than done.
You'll find much support here!

 

Thanks everyone for your words of encouragement. It was so nice to come home to your uplifting comments.
CMA-I just started reading The Divided Mind today. I love to read. I'm such a book junkie!
Gail-Good to know that it is OK if I don't believe all at once, that I can strengthen my belief as I make progress.
Leslie-I'll remember...baby steps.