Day 3 two surprises

I was very surprised and pleased in being able to do 2 x 30 min on the treadmill yesterday (albeit supported strongly using the treadmill arms). the second session was a bit more painfully intense and I had to push through a bit, but I really wanted the 30 min again. I felt great when lying down after, almost no pain or symptoms in my buttock/hip/back.

however later in the evening, I was quite sore and struggled getting to sleep or finding a comfortable / relief position. It wasn't as bad as my previous full on attacks, mainly just sore /achy but tough enough to make sleep difficult. I wondered if it wasn't also my brain playing tricks as I was worried having done so much activity/exercise for the first time since my onset. also my wife is always worried that I am 'overdoing it', esp. after she heard about my 2 x30min sessions (she was out). perhaps that suggestion also reinforced the soreness feeling. anyway, I took some pain pills (a T3 and an Advil) and I was able to sleep quite a bit in 4+ hour chunks.

I was still quite sore this morning when trying to stand / walk (my morning hobble from the floor to the kitchen) so I have spent the morning resting and doing all of the day 3 the ed. program / pain recovery / journaling work. I now notice when I am doing the work I am almost always practically pain / symptom free.

I thing that is very hard, is constantly telling myself that the pain is harmless and that I must ignore it. It becomes so intense when the muscles spasm (when standing / walking unsupported) that ignoring that level of pain is impossible. It is so painful if I try to fight through it that my whole body shakes w/ the pain and I would likely pass out if I just continued walking/standing through it, creating a full blown attack of spasms and nerve symptoms (they follow the spasms). I have decided to live by a rule of gentleness, that I will ignore the pain as much as I can (which is getting longer and longer). I still continue to label it as TMS, oxygen deprivation to my important muscles / tendons / nerves, but acknowledge the extreme physical pain (no matter how harmless) it creates. I do believe that my unconscious mind will eventually give it up and let the blood flow properly / freely, once it realizes I am working hard on my journaling and emotional discoveries / investigation / documentation / listings.

I am going to do one more 30 min session today on the treadmill (I will not be afraid), really focusing on my mind and emotions vs my butt / hip / leg and see how I feel this evening.

I notice when I simply write of the severe pain / attacks or imagine the tough parts of the exercise, my muscles actually begin to fire / twitch a bit and the pain also rises accordingly. the mind is a very powerful thing.